Hi, I am married to a controlling husband.
He puts me down and insults me. Whenever I speak up about how his behavior affects me, he gets extremely defensive and angry. He tells me that he is trying to help me. How does he feel that this is a normal way of helping me? I notice that he can control his anger anywhere else except when he is behind closed doors with me.
Do you feel that he is pretending to be really angry to regain control over me so that he can have his way?
-Humble 100
Dear Humble 100,
I’m sorry you’re having a hard time in your marriage. It amazes me how guys can treat their wives so horribly, yet be so nice to friends and complete strangers.
From what you have written, I can’t gather a lot of insight, but I would guess that your husband truly believes that criticizing you is helping you. Somewhere he learned this behavior. Perhaps from his father? In any event it isn’t appropriate and I would guess it is a method of controlling you.
You really need to call him on this and not allow him to get away with this type of behavior. As long as it keeps you in line, so to speak, he will continue to behave that way. I suggest that you all go see a professional counselor that would be able to enlighten him about how his behavior is inappropriate. Tell, him that this behavior isn’t acceptable and that you will leave if he refuses to stop and go to counseling with you.
This may seem extreme, but he needs to know that you mean business, so be prepared to leave if he calls your bluff. No woman deserves to be treated this way and many men take advantage of a woman’s good heart thinking that they need them so they will never leave. Show him otherwise and if he wants you in his life then he needs to treat you with the love and respect that you deserve.
I wish you the best and please ask any additional questions about this issue in the comments below.
Kind regards,
Ted
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