I don’t know what to do I feel my boyfriend is abusing of me emotionally and psychologically.

It’s like if he has, double personality. One day he is a total gentleman and in minutes he’s so evil and cruel. He will not answer my calls and disappear for days but if I don’t answer his calls or he doesn’t know where I am, he’ll accuse me of being with someone else.

He is very controlling and manipulative. He will tell me that if I love him I have to do different things for him which he will never do for me. He is constantly accusing me of having an affair with one of his friends. He can look me in the eyes and sound so convincing that sometimes I wonder if it’s true and I just don’t remember.

He will say one thing now and then ask me if I’m crazy hearing things he never said. At one time I had to record some of our phone conversations and let others hear them just to convince myself that I wasn’t going crazy. I even save the text messages he sends me to use them as reference every time he tries to imply that I’m going mad.

I can’t even talk to him because with everything I say, he twists my words around to best fit him. He has me on an emotional roller coaster that I just can’t get off. He’s always saying that there will never be anyone like him and that he will always be the only one. I can’t even wear panty shields or my underwear can’t have discharge because he says I was intimate with someone else.

I tried leaving him once and he was sneaking around my home and following me in different cars. I had to move but, shortly after I let him back in my life and it all started again. I don’t know what to do. I know he is no good but, feel I can’t do without him.

-Wally

Dear Wally,

Thanks for writing and I feel for you as you find yourself in this very difficult relationship. Your boyfriend obviously has some pretty serious psychological issues and he indeed may have multi-personalities, although I can’t diagnose him I can give you some advice and I pray you take it to heart.

What your involved in here is a codependent relationship. This often happens when one person in the relationship is caught up in either substance abuse of mental illness and the other develops an unhealthy connection to this person where they allow themselves to be harmed or abused in order to maintain the relationship.

I can’t stress enough the importance of you getting out of this relationship because ultimately it will destroy you. I advise that you do whatever it takes to break away from this guy. Restraining orders or even moving if need be. He will not change and it will not get better.

Also, I would recommend that you see a counselor to sort through the emotional damage that undoubtedly has been done to you and to discover what broken part of yourself has enabled you to put up with this abuse as long as you have. Somehow you don’t love yourself enough or value yourself enough to know that no one has the right to treat you the way your boyfriend has and it will not be tolerated even for a second.

Hopefully your boyfriend will get the help he needs, but this will not come by you staying with him, perhaps by you leaving for good he will take a long hard look at himself, but even then it sounds like he is delusional so he might never face the truth about himself.

Please stand up for yourself and women everywhere and no longer tolerate this type of treatment from any man.

Sincerely,

Ted