We adopted a beautiful girl at age 2 and she JUST turned 15. Her mom got pregnant with her at age 14, her grandma had her real mom at 14. NOW my daughter is acting just like her mom and grandma.
She has had a boyfriend for 17 days and they broke up on a Wed…the next day at school TO GET HIS ATTENTION, we think, she pretended to have taken a hand full of pills before leaving for school and pretended to be throwing up at school saying she was trying to KILL herself because she loved him. THEN she owned up to the school counselor she was lying.
The next day we sent her on to school, DID NOT WANT TO, but she insisted to GO. She hide a stainless steal knife in her boot and took it to school. When she was caught with it sticking out of her boot, she said she was wanting to CUT herself because she said she was a CUTTER….Well, her and her boyfriend got back together THAT DAY.
Yesterday, a week later, she broke up with him because he supposedly kissed her best friend in church on Sun. We sat her down to talk with her last night and she confessed that her GOAL was to QUIT school and find her a boyfriend to MOVE in with to support her.
We were shocked. We love her so much and want this fixed. She is so young to be making such awful decisions. We are hurt what can we do? She has never liked women, but loves men in her life……
-Sherry
Dear Sherry,
Thanks for your question and it sounds like you’ve been dealing with quite a bit of stress lately dealing with your teenage daughter.
I don’t know a lot about your situation but it sounds like your daughter is exhibiting negative behavior that stems from before she was adopted. Since she was two when she was adopted and came from what I gather a rough situation, I imagine she experienced some awful things that she doesn’t remember but were buried in her sub-conscience.
She is at the age, when that baggage often begins to work its way out. Although your daughter doesn’t know how or why she feels the way she does, she is trying no doubt, to ease some kind of pain in her life and make sense of the feelings she has. You really need to get your daughter into some type of good therapy that can help her make sense of what she feels and help her to deal with these feelings in a healthy way or the family cycle will keep repeating.
This will be likely be beyond the scope of her school counselor, so perhaps the school counselor can refer you to someone good.
At home, here’s what you can do. First, love her and make sure you tell her daily how special she is. Secondly, establish clear boundaries and stick to them. These could include things like, quitting school isn’t an option and even holding here accountable for doing things like lying about suicide and taking a knife to school. Make sure you aren’t letting her excuses get the best of you which would cause you to let her off the hook. Thirdly, find out what she’s good at or passionate about and facilitate the growth of that talent or ability. If she loves music then get her into some type of lessons, if it’s art then get her art classes. This will help her understand that there is more to life than boys and them taking care of her…
These can be tough years, and I commend you for adopting and loving a child that wasn’t your own. Just make sure you get the support and help she needs to get her through these rough years. I pray the best for you all and feel free to ask anything else in the comments below.
Sincerely,
Ted
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