I had gotten into a relationship with Tracy about a year ago. At that time she was recently divorced and dating a married man that she worked with.
I wanted to save her from this bad relationship and told her that I wanted to continue to see her. I was also very intrigued and attracted to her, so I continued to see her, and started to fall in love. Today we are in love with each other, the married man has moved on to someone else, but since she works with him, it still lingers, and I’m not sure she has put total closure on that.
We have our ups and downs, probably more than we should. We feel it’s because she hasn’t been alone since she was separated and divorced. I have had a tight hold on her hoping I don’t lose her. I know if I continue this, I will lose her.
We have such an amazing chemistry and attraction towards each other and really like a lot about each other. We love our time together, when it’s good, it’s amazing, but she seems so confused and scared sometimes about whether this is the right relationship for her or whether she should be in one at all. She wants me to hold on loosely to her because she doesn’t want to loose me either.
Should I do this, and hope she can find herself and figure out what she really wants, or should I totally detach myself and move on? I do understand where she is and why, but can we do this while still together and work through the issues that are on her mind?
Thanks so much,
-Wendell
Dear Wendell,
Thanks for writing and it sounds like you have some important decisions to make. From reading about what has been going on, I think one thing you said really rang true.
You said that you’ve been holding on too tight and if you continue this you will loose her. This is so true. In relationships we have to give people freedom to make their own choices. I believe that true love = freedom. You have to let go and let her find herself. Now this doesn’t mean that you have to break up, but you can give her space, keep loving her and being there for her through the process.
It seems like she loves you and I believe true love always prevails so hopefully things will be even better once she comes to terms with herself, her past, and her future. I’m aware that that this is easier said than done and it will be hard going as you learn to let go, but she will probably love you more for it.
You may want to consider some type of couples counseling as well as this will help you relate to one another better and help you guys more constructively work through your differences. I pray all the best for you and Tracy and hope for a positive outcome.
Sincerely,
Ted
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