Ask a Counselor: My Spouse is Taking Out His Anger on Me.

I’m in a difficult situation and need good advice.

I’ve been married 27 yrs. and the last couple of years have been difficult. We seem yo argue over small things and I am afraid of giving opinions or being open for fear of him getting angry.

My husband broke his leg in 2 places and owns his own business and can’t carry on with business. The other night we got into an argument and he got so angry he through a pan across the floor broke the handle and it flew into the living room. He came after me with his fist and when I went into the bedroom to get my phone he through me on the bed and I left the house.

I came back later that evening, but I almost resent having to take care of him because of what he did. What should I do?

-Katherine

Dear Katherine,

Thanks for your question and it sounds like you’re certainly having a tough time right now. It sounds like your husband is taking out his frustrations concerning his injury and business problems on you.

However, this is no justification for violence and do not tolerate that behavior. You need to tell him that you love him and are committed to helping him through this difficult time, but you will not be treated that way or you will leave.  Be prepared to follow through with this and perhaps he needs to sweat it out a day taking care of himself until he gets the message.

It also sounds like you and your husband could benefit from some on going  counseling in order to get to the bottom of why it seems your marriage has been unraveling over the last couple of years. It may be difficult to get him to agree to this but I think if you want to be happy for the next 27 years it may be necessary.

Perhaps you could talk to an experienced pastor if your financial situation prevents you from going to a counselor.

Again I want to reiterate that your husbands behavior isn’t about you and don’t internalize it. I’m sure you are a lovely lady and you deserve to be treated with respect and love so settle for nothing less.

Sincerely,

Ted