I’ve been dealing with a problem for about 2 yrs now. I am 25 yrs old and have a full time career currently living under my parent’s household. I have been seeing a guy ‘J’ for two yrs.

My parents, actually my father, has set certain rules. No guys allowed after 10pm during the weekdays and I must call my parents whenever I am out. I have no problem telling them where I am but they still always make me feel guilty being out period even when I tell them.

Also, I do not get off work until 9pm sometimes, making seeing each other before the 10 pm curfew very difficult. I’ve tried going the middle ground: not having ‘J’ in the house past 11 during the weekdays, and call my parents when I am out and if I will be late during the weekends.

My problem is this: my parents just don’t like me out late (meaning past 10) at all even when I call and my bf finds it ridiculous and thinks I should still go out whenever I want despite my parent’s objections. I feel like both parents and bf want the extremes, be home all the time or go out whenever even if its 3 am.

I feel exhausted. I feel I need to break up with bf since we get into very big arguments about it and I feel bad for him enduring something like this. I feel I should just let him go so he’ll be happier and find someone else that has their own place with less strict parents.

-Lyn

Dear Lyn,

Living with parents as an adult can present a lot of problems as you are experiencing.  I first want to ask you a question. Do you plan on living with your parents for the rest of your or their life?

I in general, don’t think living with parents as and adult is a good idea. At 25 it’s time that for you to have your own place and stand on your own two feet making choices for your own life, such as how late someone is over and coming and going as you please.

You said that you have a full time career, so I’m not sure why you choose to live with them forsaking your independence and what appears to be a good relationship with a nice young man. The fact that he has put up with these rules for this long tells me he’s a pretty great guy.

I don’t agree with your parents trying to control their adult child like that either and it really speaks to me that there are some unhealthy family dynamics going on here. Your parents may need to do some letting go and you can help them by moving out.

There are many options for you such as finding housemates or moving in with a friend, but the important thing is that you take control of your own life and start living as an adult. Trust me, a few months down the road, you will be so glad you did as it’s a great feeling to stand on your own two feet.

Sincerely,

Ted