Ask a Counselor: Sexual Purity, Should I Move On?

I am a lady in my mid twenties who has always valued sexual chastity which I’ve held dear as a principle even in my past romantic relationships.

Recently met a guy who seemed to share my value (by confession), but simply can’t keep his hands off  of me (by deed). We started out as friends and are very comfortable around each other. I’m afraid I have to let go and move on considering the fact that we have been getting physical and compromising set boundaries. I am not comfortable with this at all because I am so sure it displeases God.

It’s pretty difficult because I really value the friendship. Extremely confused, I find myself unhappy and almost depressed. Please How do I move on?

-Mabel

Dear Mabel,

Thanks for your question and I understand the difficulty of staying sexually pure in today’s society and commend you for taking this stance.

I first think I should address what I feel is a false view of God that I believe you have developed. God does not sit in heaven displeased. If you’re like me and other Christians I know, imperfect humans, it is impossible to go a day without breaking some sort of “law”.  So this would mean that God would do nothing but sit in heaven displeased with a big frown on his face because of all the sin that’s being committed by His children.

This is not the case and that was the purpose of the cross. God looks on you through the view of the cross and with love and pride as his beloved child. He set sexual boundaries as a way to warn us of the pain that can come from living a promiscuous lifestyle. It’s for our emotional well being not His.

I suggest that you cut yourself some slack, talk to this guy and come up with some practical ways you can retain this vow of celibacy such  as more group activities and less alone time. If you love him, and he loves you then that’s a rare find. Don’t let this issue ruin a potentially good thing.

I feel the church in general blows sexual sin out of proportion so that many believers feel condemned and guilty all the time. In God’s eyes it is no different than anything else such as lying, gossip, even over-eating. Therefore, keep this issue in perspective and know that God loves you and is proud of you because of you, not your behavior.

Remember, we obey God out of our love for Him and for others not to earn anything nor to avoid Divine punishment.

Sincerely,

Ted