Ask a Counselor: Should I Keep the Memory of my Dead Friend Alive?

Back in 2006, my best friend passed away and ever since then, the only thing that people tell me is that I need to move on. And whenever I try to do something to keep my friends memory alive, if someone that knew her found out, I would get my head chewed of for it. but I want to keep her memory alive. I want people to know what she did for me. I’m just so confused. I’m not sure what to do.

-Live4Jesus1990

Dear Live4Jesus1990,

Thanks for writing in and I understand how hard losing a friend is. It is especially something that people of your age shouldn’t have to deal with.

I think you have to find the balance between remembering your friend and letting go. Too much remembering keeps people from moving on and finishing the grieving process, but totally forgetting the person existed isn’t healthy either. People deal with things differently and some of your friends might find the situation too painful to talk about or remember.

I would advise that you give people the freedom to grieve in their own way and if you feel like doing something special for your friend’s memory, do it, but don’t insist that others get involved but give them freedom and space to process this in their own way.

Since this is depressing you to the point of wanting to end things, I would advise you to let go a little and focus on living and not your dead friend too much. Focus on the things in life you love including people who are living; your friends, family, etc… She would want you to be happy and would want you to have a great life since she was such a help to you when she was alive. Hang in there and things will get better with time.

Kindest regards,

Ted