No one knows what it’s like to be me. All people do is talk about me. They talk about me to my face and laugh about me behind my back.
They call me names and go all out of their way to make my life miserable. They make it their business to let me know that I’m not welcomed. Their taunts and sneers makes me feel less than human and it’s the same everywhere I go. I cannot escape this indifference and the mental torture is the worst. People even gather around my front door just to talk about me and make me feel ashamed for being human.
I often hold my head down as there is no one who’s on my side and I have no where to turn. My whole life has been like this. People have always shunned me. I have a rare medical disorder (TMAU), for which there is no cure. People don’t know that about me and instead treat me like scum of the earth.
I often think about ending it all. I think “why wake up and face another day if it’s just going to be a repeat from the day before”? Why continue to put myself through it? What do I have to live for? No one wants me around. What do I have to live for? Look forward to?
I would like for someone to write me back, please. I have been on other “Christian” sites and have tried to tell my story in hopes that someone would hear my cry and reach out to me, but they, too, were just as indifferent as no one so much as even emailed me back. I don’t know why I’m here? For what purpose am I serving?
Please….Please someone write me back.
Thanks for writing and I’m saddened by what you’ve had to endure and my heart goes out to you. No one deserves to be made fun of and to be made to feel worthless.
People can be very cruel and out of their own fear and insecurities they do horrible unspeakable things to people who are different or have obvious weaknesses. Please know that your “torture” has more to do with their internal issues than it actually has to do with you.
First I would like to assure you that you have worth, meaning, and purpose because you are a child of God and I assure you that He is especially fond of you, Annabeth. I’m sure he has blessed you with gifts and talents that only you can offer the world.
Second, you have two choices here. You can let these people destroy you or you can rise above and use your trials as a way to help others. Never before have we lived in an age where it is so easy for you to reach out to other people with TMAU via the internet. You could form a group on facebook that could unite those suffering and also raise awareness about the disorder.
People are afraid of what they don’t understand and often this fear is displayed by being despicable to what they don’t understand. I suggest you work to raise awareness of TMAU and come out into the light and no longer be ashamed that you have this. It is not your fault. One important step others in similar situations as yours have done to overcome is to own their problem and not be ashamed for there is nothing to be ashamed of.
The possiblities are many for you Annabeth and another suggestion would be for you to start a blog about your disorder, where you can share your struggles and even write about the latest research concerning TMAU. I can tell by your question that you have excellent writing skills. I would be happy to give you pointers on getting started with that.
In closing, I do care and I hope you realize how special you are. I can’t wait to hear about how you’ve decided to take action so please keep me posted in the comments below.
Filed Under: Ask a Counselor