Ask a Counselor: Why am I so Jealous of my Sister?

By | January 16, 2010

why-am-i-jealous-of-my-sisterIts been two years since I stopped going to the therapist for depression. I just stopped going because I was sure I am fine now. And I am fine. I am confident now unlike before. And don’t hold on to sad feelings forever like before. I know I probably won’t be depressed again.

But today I realized that I’m not completely cured. My sister lives in a hostel away from home due to her studies. She has wanted a pet for a very long time, but this time I thought about giving it to her so I asked her what she wanted. I had to wait to save enough money to get the pet including stuff to take care of it.

Next thing I know she gets herself a rabbit as soon as I asked about the pet and I felt really jealous because I love animals.. I have wanted a pet (other than our dog, to see another young one growing, but cant get because mom will get angry if I bring another pet). She gets two rabbits which will rarely come home. I won’t get to see them much.

I still feel envious of my sister for having so many friends and friends who love her and show that through their actions, I feel jealous of her for having friends who are fun and frequently make plans to go out. I only have a few friends who either don’t like to go out at all or are just not there to make plans with. I don’t know them for as long as she knows hers because I didn’t have any friends in school. So I don’t get to go out and enjoy as much because I have only 3 friends 2 of which are mostly unavailable.

Plus I feel envious that she always gets what she wants. I even feel bad that she is younger than me now!!! Because that means my parents will not pester her for marriage till I get married, so she can enjoy her life without that, while I am not enjoying either and I have that to worry about too. I feel jealous that she has guys falling for her while the only guys I ever dated I met online!!! I feel like a loser.

What does she have that I don’t have? I am a much more caring person than she is. A much better girl friend than she is, a much better daughter than she is.. and most people agree to that. But I still have nothing that I truly want. No loving friends..no freedom from parents’ rules.. no guys falling for me.. (at least no one I meet in real life).

I want these feelings of jealousy to go. I don’t want to ever feel like my sister has everything I want and I don’t. If I can’t get these things, I don’t want to feel sad that I don’t have them. Please help, tell me how to get over these feelings.

-Shruti

Dear Shruti,

So glad to hear that your willingness to undergo counseling has helped you overcome depression. It’s great to know that you have that issue resolved. Unfortunately, we humans are complex beings and we have many layers to sort through as we pursue good mental health.

The issue your dealing with now is just another part of yourself that needs a little attention in order to understand yourself better and lead a more well adjusted life. One important thing to learn here, is to not compare yourself to others because this leads to jealousy and poor self esteem. I’m sure both you and your sister are lovely girls, each with your own talents and flaws. Focus on your own strengths and talents instead of focusing on your sister’s.

If your not happy with your current social scene, then you have to figure out how you can change that. Comparing yourself to your sister will not help you make changes to your situation but leave you feeling down on yourself and jealous.

Focus on living your life to the fullest because your sister’s life has no bearing on your own. You have talents to offer the world that only you can offer, no one else. There is a guy out there for you and will love you because of all the wonderful qualities you possess.

There will always be people out there that are more successful, better looking, more popular than us, but once we can learn to love ourselves, accept or flaws and focus on loving others we can truly live abundantly and free. I wish you all the best as you continue on your journey of self discovery.

Kind regards,

Ted

One thought on “Ask a Counselor: Why am I so Jealous of my Sister?

  1. nits

    i m feeling same ………….. why othersare enjoying life too much ………..
    why they are not asking me to go out with them
    its very bad feeling but i know i have to overcome
    i m trying but not able to get through
    god help me

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