I’ve been self harming for 5 years, since I was 9 and I can’t seem to stop.

If you’re wondering, “Why can’t you stop?”, it’s because whenever I go for more than a couple of days without doing it, I feel really depressed, irritated and angry and I always take it out on those who care about me, or I get in trouble for it in school. My scars and cuts worry my best friends, because over the last year they have just gotten worse. None of us know what to do! I even panic about it sometimes…

I think I may be addicted to it, and I don’t know how to stop without being angry and numb all the time. I’ve not felt very happy since my dad left when I was 6, and my mum started emotionally and sometimes physically abusing me.

It seems I don’t enjoy life as much as I used to, and  thinking about death and suicide this often is not natural. What do I do?

-Mel

Dear Mel,

My heart really goes out to you as you try to deal with this very difficult problem in your life. It sounds like to me that you are dealing with quite a bit of emotional pain in your life due to your dad’s leaving and your mum’s abuse.

People deal with emotional pain in all kinds of ways and most of the time people deal with this pain in destructive ways, some people deal with this pain by self harm or cutting. Somehow self harm relieves emotional pain as it distracts the person from the emotional hurt they are feeling.

Also it can be a control issue. If everything in a person’s life is out of control, then this is one way the person can have some control over something in their life.  Some people self harm as a way to punish themselves as well if they blame themselves for something that has happened in their lives.

I can’t fully assess why you can’t stop self harming but I would guess that it is a way you deal with emotional pain. If you don’t cut, then the pain builds up and you feel miserable and act out in other destructive ways. I think it is extremely important that you talk to a professional about this. Do you have a counselor at your school that you could talk to? Is there a community center in your town that offers counseling?

A good counselor will be able to help you get the the heart of the issue and also teach you better ways to deal with the emotional pain you are experiencing. Also your mum needs to realize that she can’t take out her emotional pain on you. I wish I could give you an easy answer, but there aren’t any. I can tell you that with time spent in good counseling, you will feel better and lose the strong desire to self harm.

I commend you for taking the first step to reach out for help, now take another step and find someone locally that can help you work through the pain in your life. You are a precious young lady and you deserve great things in life. Your strength and courage to face your problems head on will be an inspiration to others. Feel free to ask anything else in the comments below and give us an update if you feel led.

All the best,

Ted