Ask: I Cheated and Got Chlamydia

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 3 years. We were each other’s first love. I cheated on my boyfriend 2 months ago and did not come clean until recently. All he knew was that I kissed the other boy and hung out with him a couple of times.

My boyfriend broke up with me immediately and told his family. However recently, we started to talk to each other again and realized that we truly love each other. He had never fallen out of love with me— it was because I betrayed him. We decided to reconcile slowly but not tell his family as they clearly hate me now.

A few days ago, I went to get my usual pap test and found that I had chlamydia. A day after I found out, my boyfriend gave me a surprise visit–told me he loved me and was willing to work on our relationship.Although I loved hearing those words, I could not deceive him any longer…I knew telling him that I cheated on him by sleeping with the other guy and telling him I had chlamydia was the right thing to do.

Of course, he was completely disgusted and hurt. I told him, that I would move with him to his city, drop everything, and deal with this issue that I was responsible for. He agreed that we should deal with this together–he was angry, yelled and screamed at me but I deserved it. He would also tell me he loved me and we will get through this together.

On our way to his city, he decided to call his father and tell him the embarrassing truth- his father agreed that we should deal with this on our own as we do love each other. He also told him to not tell anyone in his family or mine as it would complicate things later.We agreed that his father was right. However, 30 mins later he decided to call his sister and tell her as well. His father and I had both told him not to, as she would make a HUGE deal out of it.

His sister called all the family members and told them of this situation. She also made sure that I would not go with him to his city. And his family text me and told me that they would ruin my reputation. I understand that my boyfriend was hurt, angry, confused— that I am responsible. However, I was sad to find that now there seems to be no hope for us to reconcile.

Should I call his father as he seems to understand our situation best. If so, what should i say? Should I call my boyfriend or give him his space? Can our relationship survive, cheating, std, and family problems? I realize that I made a poor poor choice and realize I really do love my boyfriend.

What should I do? Please don’t be harsh. I am already feeling very guilty. I am only looking for advice.

Thank You,

Kris

Dear Kris,

Thanks for sharing this difficult situation with me and the readers. I wouldn’t dream of being harsh on you as we all have made mistakes and none of us are perfect.

I think the correct way to look at this situation is; what does this behavior say about your heart and your love for your boyfriend. Often our behavior is the result of something that’s going on inside. I would advise you to really take a look at why you cheated and what that behavior was trying to tell you.

Perhaps you do love your boyfriend, but perhaps there is a part of you that wants to be free and date other guys. It is only natural that you would want to know what is out there since you both were each other’s first love. I think you both should just take a break and be free to see other people. If the future brings you back together then great, but in the meantime find out what your heart truly wants.

It sounds like you both are young and have a lot of time to sort things out so take advantage of that by getting to know yourself, finding out what you want in life, and learning from your mistakes. The only thing I’ll say about the STD is that you were lucky it was only chlamydia and make sure you learn from this experience and be safe in the future as I’m sure you will do.

I wish you the best and just try to relax and let this relationship go for now and you never know what the future will hold for you both.

Sincerely,

Ted