Ask: My Boyfriend Cheated and is Abusive, Should I Take Him Back?

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 and a half years. I love him dearly and he loves me. I must admit he is not 100% innocent because he cheated on me, but I forgave him. The thing is I don’t trust him fully so sometimes I might search his stuff.

Recently I have searched his phone and found out that he was seeing this girl so I got really angry and confronted him. I must admit that I searched his Hi5 too and confronted him about that as well. He got so upset that I searched his phone and was searching through his emails that he got very abusive (verbally). He said so many bad things and it really hurt me.

This was from last week Thursday and I cried everyday since. I never knew he could have said those things about me. I must admit in the past I searched his phone b4 as well. He then said that he never meant it, he just said those things out of anger because he wanted me to stop invading his privacy.

The sad part is I felt like he was so disrespectful and my heart and pride was ripped away. He doesn’t even want to apologize and that really hurts. Things are still a little tense and we are kinda on a break. But my the thing is i don’t know how to behave around him when we get back together. I really need him to apologize. I don’t know if I can forgive him.

-Racquel

Dear Racquel,

Thanks for sharing your situation with us. I’m sure you really love this guy and you have had some good times but I don’t no why on earth you don’t respect yourself enough to find a better partner.

This guy has cheated on you numerous times that you’re aware of plus when he gets angry he verbally abuses you. Why would you put up with that? I guarantee that if the shoe where on the other foot, he would dump you and never come calling on you again. Why are you allowing this guy to walk all over you?

My advise is simple. Don’t get back together with this guy and cut all ties. Let him have his other women and you move on and find a real man that will be faithful to you and treat you with respect, the respect that you deserve. I’m sure you are a lovely woman and will make some lucky guy a great partner, but don’t waste your life and time on a guy that has no regard for you as a person, but is just using you for some strange reason when he clearly wants to go out with other girls.

I’m sorry if this is hard advice, but I really get annoyed when guys treat women like your boyfriend has treated you. You can forgive him, but you don’t have to put yourself back in a situation where you will most likely be abused and taken advantage of. I wish you all the best and I pray you’ll do the right thing for your life and future.

Kind regards,

Ted

Filed Under: Abuse, Ask a Counselor, Relationships

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