Being a Teenage Lesbian

I’m 16 years old, and my mom found out I was a lesbian about 5 months ago. Almost immediately after she found out, I was sent to live with my grandmother. As of now, I’m back at my mom’s and she will not accept it. Anytime we argue, no matter what it’s about, she throws my sexuality up in my face. She tells everyone how disgusted she is and how she could never agree with it.

All I want is a little peace. I’m not asking her to accept it, I’m asking her to tolerate it, for the sake of my happiness, and sanity. My girlfriend, Emily, is out of state for college and my mom is making it harder for us because she refuses to let me talk to Emily. She’s gone so far as taking my phone just to keep me away from Emily. I understand that not everyone has the same views and opinions but it hurts me that she won’t allow me to be happy this way. Any advice?

-Amber

Dear Amber,

Thanks so much for sharing your situation with me. First of all, I think it’s great that at such a young age you have bravely stood up for who you are and aren’t afraid to be who you are. Many gay teens hide and are miserable because they fear the difficulties that are created by coming out, but you are obviously a very courageous young lady.

Secondly, being a lesbian is a hard thing for a parent to deal with as they see it as the death of the dreams they had for you. You know, the traditional marriage and family, grandchildren etc. Not that this won’t happen for you, but just in a less traditional way. Parents need time and space to come to grips with the new reality. However, your mom is being pretty mean and unreasonable with you. No one has the right to treat you with disrespect even a parent.

I think you should point your mom to a few resources that will help her understand this issue better. The first one is Teach Ministries . This site is run by Mary Lou Wallner whose lesbian daughter ended up committing suicide party because Mary Lou couldn’t accept her being a lesbian. Your mom would really benefit from this site. Secondly, I would recommend Soulforce.org which has a lot of information about what it means to be homosexual and addresses what the Bible says about the issue, in case you mom has religious grounds for her homophobia.

Just keep standing up for yourself and for who you love. Perhaps you could get a job and then be able to buy your own prepaid phone? As a sixteen year old you do have rights and your mom has to respect those rights even if she doesn’t agree with your lifestyle. Hang in there and I think you are an inspiration for gay teens everywhere who are afraid to be who they are.

Kind regards,

Ted