I’m In a Sexual Relationship With My Brother

Please help with my problem before I either undergo a depression or commit suicide.

I am a freshly graduated from university coming from a good background with traditional family ethics. I was working for a prestigious institute back home and now here in Dubai. I have been living with my brother who loved me very much since I am the youngest in the family.

For the first six months of my new life in Dubai was very nice. We were so close that we did have sex with each other. There is local (Dubai national) who was working with my brother for 16 years and is his very best friend. I knew her before settling my career in Dubai. Months past by and one day she realized that my brother was very close to me. She was jealous and asked how can that be.

Whenever I met her she would discuss the topics my brother discussed with her and humiliate me as she knew I don’t have a clue of it. Slowly I realized my brother was dependent of her and vice verse.  When questioned my brother he denied it and said he has no interest in marrying her.

I starting fighting with my brother as to why there a need of telling her everything. My brother felt I interfered with his personal life. Slowly he started separating from me and till date he is in touch with her. My brother now ignores me taunts me and I am very depressed about this whole situation. He has always lied to me and I have caught him.

Today I can’t trust my brother anymore and denies telling me anything related to her and he gets very angry if I do abuse her. He is very over protective about her but yet denies the truth that he loves her or has any relations with he besides friendship. He thinks I am not having a broad mind and thinks dirty about their relationship.

It’s been 9 months and I’m not talking to her, but find it difficult to live here as I am new and don’t have any friends besides friends at work. My brother has started a business with her and has lied about the business. I found out the truth and we had another fight. I feel I’m undergoing  depression or feel like committing suicide. Please advise, appreciate your help.

-Susan

Dear Susan,

Thanks for writing in describing your situation. I’m sorry that you are having such a hard time, but there are some really destructive things going on in your relationship with your brother.

It is never a good idea to have sex with a sibling, this creates all kinds of destructive issues, from children born with birth defects to creating all kinds of unhealthy emotional issues. You are now experiencing the negative emotional issues. The sexual bond that you have with your brother is causing you to act like a jealous wife rather than a sister.  It’s totally inappropriate for a sister to be so involved with who her brother sees and spends time with. Sex creates intimate bonds with another person and these bonds aren’t healthy between sister and brother.

As for your brother, I would guess that he led you down this path as he is older. I don’t fully understand your culture, but I’ve heard that due to the sexual repression, that many middle eastern people live under, causes issues such as incest and sexual abuse to be more prevalent.

In any event, the bottom line is that you need to sever this sexual relationship with your brother and move out of his apartment. This situation will not end well and will eventually destroy you if you stay. I don’t know if there are any sexual victum support services in Dubai, but it would be a good idea to talk to someone about this as it will take time for your damaged emotions to heal.

I hope you can understand why sex with your brother is destructive and that you will take the steps necessary to begin leading a healthier life.

Kind regards,

Ted