Christian and Trapped in an Abusive Marriage

Hi I’ve been a Christian for 20 years now. I married 9 years ago to a man who told me that he was a christian. There is 19 years of an age gap and I’m the younger. I have found that he doesn’t lead a Christian life and would swear and talk dirty chat.

-Janine

Dear Janine,

Thanks so much for sharing your situation with us. Unfortunately, I have seen situations such as yours time after time, in fact I grew up in a similar situation so I think I can give you some insight.

I think that often the church’s message is to stay in a marriage at all costs and work on it because God “hates” divorce. However, I don’t believe this is God’s message. When we study scripture correctly, it is clear that God’s desire is not to keep people living in abusive, destructive situations for the sake of not breaking a “sacred” vow.

In fact, I believe it breaks God’s heart to see you and your children living in this situation when he isn’t requiring you to do so. You are free to leave and start a new life where you and your children can live in a safe, peaceful environment and the chance to find someone that will truly love and cherish you and your kids.

You aren’t doing your kids any favors by staying in this marriage as they are learning from you and your husband what love and marriage are all about. It’s giving them a very warped perspective on the whole thing and most often this can create problems in their future relationships and/or marriages.

I encourage you to get yourself and your kids out of this situation. Move on with your life and know that God’s grace is sufficient to cover all of our mistakes, short comings, and bad decisions. He will give you the strength to start over and to strive for a better life for yourself and for your kids. I pray all the best for you and that God reveals to your heart that His will is for you to be free from bondage and to be loved.

Sincerely,

Ted