Thus her church definitely failed both this woman and her husband badly by allowing him to continue down a destructive path and not protecting her. However, relationships that function this way are like dances, ie, abuser/codependent victim and there is a deeply spiritual side related to idolatry and bondage as well.

What should have happened is that the pastor and elders should have become very involved in this situation, using both sound counsel, biblical confrontation and knowledge of spiritual warfare to deal with this situation; she should have been advised to move out and take her children with her if they had kids and assisted in finding a safe house. The men of the church should have been involved in intense intervention with this man, confronting him with both his sin and woundedness so that he had to choose which side he was on and could not hide behind pretend faith and then do it again when they were gone. I believe the church is actually somewhat responsible for many of the christian divorces that take place because they do not use their spiritual authority, weapons of warfare and other biblical mandates and provisions when problems like this first manifest and often, they are not involved on a love and relationship level in the first place. Their mealy mouthed lack of courageous involvement and confrontation allows people like this to feign christianity without being confronted with the inconsistencies between their stated beliefs and their actual way of life and it forces hapless women and children to live in an illusion too. When such a man has been confronted with his sin and disobedience, he is in a position where he must confirm he is committed to following Christ and cooperate with his pastors in dealing with his life issues and by making himself accountable , or he must refuse and be afforded no more shelter within the church, being declared an unbeliever if he is a professing christian. Unbeliever or not, the church should be involved if it concerns one of the sheep of God’s pasture.

This confirms what is true, protects the abused from the abuser and may result in repentance where needed and restortion of both persons involved a and a noteable number of times,does.

A woman in this situation should not be required to entertain rejoining her husband until he is welll on the road to recovery and manifesting fruits of repentance.

A church that does not do what scripture says and runs away from addressing situations like this, and then requires a woman to submit and stay when they themselves are not submitting to scripture is somewhat like Pharoah, who demanded that the Isrealites make bricks without straw. It makes me ill and rather incensed. Because these biblical steps are not followed, but skipped, marriages are ended when there is still a possiblity of restoration. I don’t agree with telling someone to end the marriage without seeking the mind God in that situation first and if necessasry, changing to a church that will actually support properly by following these steps; I am frankly shocked at the number of christians who never say “Let’s stop and seek to hear what the Holy Spirit would say in this situation, as if God doesn’t have knowledge He might wish to communicate as to the specific situation and what to do about it. When all is said and done and the abusive person will not submit or obey, and wishes to leave, I think the person is free to pursue termination of the marriage because the spouse is a departing unbeliever who will not live in peace. If the church did what it was supposed to do, THERE WOULD BE NO NEED FOR SITUATIONS LIKE THIS TO CARRY ON FOR EVEN A YEAR! Forgive me for being so “vociferous” but this is a church issue that needs to be confronted. Thanks for considering my thoughts. I hope things go well for this sister.