Emotional Abuse, Financial Dependent, and Afraid to Let Go
My boyfriend has always been emotionally abusive, but lately it is getting out of control. He won’t admit he has a problem since everything is my fault. Because of this I have decided to get out. I’m having trouble for 2 reasons.
1. He has been fully financially supporting me and my kids for 2 years. I am trying to look for a job, but no success yet.
2. He told me a while ago that he wouldn’t wait very long before he slept with someone else. The ironic part is I know this is the very reason I should leave yet it is the very reason I can’t.
How do I stop imagining that or better yet caring about it? Please help.
-Annie
Dear Annie,
I understand how hard it is to let go when you love someone, but you really have to put your children first and then your own wellbeing. If you can’t leave your own good, then please do it for your children’s good.
They are in a bad environment and they are learning how to treat people by watching your boyfriend. He may even be emotionally abusing your children which would add to the urgency to get out.
Your most import job and purpose is to be a good mother to your children and how you raise them will effect the rest of their lives. I know many adults including myself that are still trying to undo the emotional damage caused by parents and the environments in which we were raised.
Give your kids the best possible shot in life. Also, you have to understand that you deserve better and even if he does sleep with another girl, it’s no refection on you and you can actually feel sorry for her as now she will have to be subject to his abuse.
You know the right thing to do, now put it to action and do what’s best.
Kindest regards,
Ted
Filed Under: Abuse, Ask a Counselor, Family Dysfunction
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Comments (2)
i understand what you are saying and believe me I have thought about that and I know the right thing to do, but I’m asking how to stop obssessing about him with someone else. Please tell me how to control those thoughts. Nobody has been able to yet. Once I’m able to do that, then making my life better for my kids and myself will be easier. I know they need to come first. That’s why I want out. I also mentioned he controls the finances. If I simply say good-bye I’ll be cut off. Please address this issue too.
Thnaks
Annie
The first step to stopping an obsession is to let go. You let go by understanding that the object isn’t yours to own and doesn’t belong to you. That object (person) has the freedom to make their own choices just as you do. Leaving would be letting go and then you have to use a lot of self talk that reinforces the fact the he doesn’t belong to you, and you can’t control him. Do you have family of friends you could stay with for a month or so until you get on your feet? I don’t know your situation in detail so I can’t address that fully, but I would rather live on the street than have my kids subject to abuse as well as myself. The streets would do less damage. Where there’s a will there’s a way, you just got to let go and move on this. It will work out.
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