I’m Suffering From Grief and Anxiety
I lost my grandfather a month ago due to a massive stroke and severe pneumonia. I had a very close relationship with him and I have witnessed many miracles. He was diagnosed with oral cancer a year ago and I made a promise to him to be by his side no matter how difficult it would be and I intended to keep it. After being pronounced in remission, things started to improve. However, on Christmas day last year, he suffered from a massive stroke.
A week went by and he was soon in a coma. My hope was lost, and I was in a complete state of shock. After the doctors informed my family of the statistics and how the outcome wasn’t good, a miracle occurred and my grandfather woke up on my mother’s birthday. He was beginning to recover, until he was diagnosed with severe pneumonia. For four months, it was a rollercoaster. Some days he did well, others he was terrible. I have been present just about every day, watching him suffer and struggle very hard to breathe.
On April 28, my grandfather had passed away because my family decided to pull the plug on the respirator. My grandmother, uncle, mother, and I could not bear to see him suffer any longer. To this day, I am still traumatized by the horrific battles and suffering I saw every day. I have trouble sleeping, I have difficulty keeping my nerves under control, and at times I have small panic attacks. I have felt like I am going into a depression and I can not seem to keep my nerves under control. I feel anger at myself for not being there on the day of his death and for not allowing them to pull the plug. I think my anger has taken control of my nerves and I am a train wreck. What should I do? How should I cope with this?
-Anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
Thanks for sharing this with me and my heart goes out to you and your family during this time of loss. If there is one thing that we can be sure of in this life, it’s the fact that all of us will eventually die and leave people that care about us behind.
From personal experience I can empathize with the way you feel as I had to watch my own beloved grandfather suffer and die with cancer. This is never easy and everyone grieves in their own way. It’s important that you allow yourself time and permission to grieve. The grief process itself goes through several natural stages and it sound like you are in the middle of that process. Disbelief, blame, anger, depression, they are all normal parts of grieving.
What you need to do is talk about this with someone close to you and express how you are feeling. Don’t keep it bottled in, but let the frustration and tears out. I think the only thing that helps grief is a combination of being able to verbalize your feelings and time to heal. Focus on the good memories of your grandfather and the positive impact he obviously had on you and all those around him. Celebrate his life and keep making him proud by the way you choose to live your life.
He wouldn’t have wanted you to be destroyed by his death but to move on with your life and use all the valuable lessons he taught you to touch the lives of others.
Hang in there and give yourself time and space to grieve and heal.
Kindest regards,
Ted
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Comments (2)
“At the beginning of the year I found out my grandpa had stage 4 kidney cancer and then the next month found out my great grandpa has had cancer for 10 years and in April they both died within 2 weeks. I don’t really have anyone to talk to so I find myself hiding my emotions in all the time, therefore it’s hard to get over anything. Please help”
Please see above
I had submitted a question a few weeks ago, asking for advice about grieving because I lost my grandfather in April due to a massive stroke and severe pneumonia. Well, my life is in an upheaval that I cannot seem to get away from. I am still having a hard time grieving over my grandfather whom was very dear to me. My parents have been arguing excessively and they are contemplating a divorce, and my uncle passed away last night. Although I wasn’t very close to my uncle, it reminded me of my grandfather and I can’t seem to calm my nerves. I am sick of the fighting between my parents, watching my mother cry and not be able to function, and my heart has broken to its maximum limit. My grandfather was very dear to me, like a father, and I feel like I am trapped. I am not sure what I should do or what will help me at this point in time. I can’t lose my parents, and I certainly can’t handle much more. Please help me. Thanks so much.
I think you’ll be surprised at what you can handle.. You really need to focus on your life, your goals and dreams, and your future. Don’t allow all this drama to hold you back from you’re future… It’s ok to be sad and grieve but at some point you must let go and start moving on… You’ll make it, I know it
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