How Can I Get Over My Ex-Boyfriend?

My ex and I broke up over 3 years ago but I still think about him EVERYday. We were together for four years and in the beginning it was good but very bad in the end. He had gotten involved with alcohol and drugs, cheated, and became physically abusive when he was under the influence but fine when he was sober.

Anyway, I really loved him and I was devastated when I finally had to end things with him. Every since we broke up I haven’t had any serious relationships, only casually dated. I love him but I hate him too for all the stuff he did to me and put me through. I am tired of feeling like I’m stuck in the past. I don’t know how to get rid of these thoughts about him. Sometimes they are good and sometimes they bring me to tears.

I have been seeing someone for about three months now and he treats me like a queen and I know he loves me in every way but I don’t have the feelings back for him. I don’t know if it’s because I still have these feelings for my ex or if he is just not the one. This new guy has all the qualities I admire and want in a partner but its like when I’m around him I find everything wrong with him that I possibly can. I want to like him and my mom tells me I should stop being so picky. I don’t know how to sort out if I’m still in love my ex and not over him and that is why I am having these negative reactions to the new guy.

I am really confused please help. I have been kinda emotionally and mentally unstable since the breakup three years ago, but I can’t afford counseling to sort out all the mess from my past. Any suggestions? Thank you for your time. I think it is really great that you do this. God Bless.

-Jessica