My ex and I broke up over 3 years ago but I still think about him EVERYday. We were together for four years and in the beginning it was good but very bad in the end. He had gotten involved with alcohol and drugs, cheated, and became physically abusive when he was under the influence but fine when he was sober.
Anyway, I really loved him and I was devastated when I finally had to end things with him. Every since we broke up I haven’t had any serious relationships, only casually dated. I love him but I hate him too for all the stuff he did to me and put me through. I am tired of feeling like I’m stuck in the past. I don’t know how to get rid of these thoughts about him. Sometimes they are good and sometimes they bring me to tears.
I have been seeing someone for about three months now and he treats me like a queen and I know he loves me in every way but I don’t have the feelings back for him. I don’t know if it’s because I still have these feelings for my ex or if he is just not the one. This new guy has all the qualities I admire and want in a partner but its like when I’m around him I find everything wrong with him that I possibly can. I want to like him and my mom tells me I should stop being so picky. I don’t know how to sort out if I’m still in love my ex and not over him and that is why I am having these negative reactions to the new guy.
I am really confused please help. I have been kinda emotionally and mentally unstable since the breakup three years ago, but I can’t afford counseling to sort out all the mess from my past. Any suggestions? Thank you for your time. I think it is really great that you do this. God Bless.
Thanks for your question and for sharing your story. This is a tough one for 2 reasons. One, it sounds like this guy might have been your first love and if this is the case, first loves are always the hardest to get over. Secondly, in cases of drug abuse and physical abuse a strange codependency develops between the couple, this is also difficult to break.
I definitely think this process starts more within yourself than trying to just love this other guy. He could very well be “The One” but the stuff inside of you is not allowing you to have feelings for this guy or anyone else. Counseling would be great, but alternatively if you’re short on cash, you could try this course I found that uses counseling techniques to teach you how to get over your ex quickly. It’s written by a licensed counselor and I recommend it. If you put these strategies to practice then I think you’ll be able to move on and put your feelings for your ex and all the hurt behind you once for all, which will open up your heart to experience love for someone else and for someone who will love you like you deserve to be loved. I’ve linked to the course just above my response.
All the best.