Ask: How Do I Get Rid of a Deadbeat Husband?

By | June 26, 2010

My husband has not worked in 2 years and he refuses to get another job. He fakes injuries and illnesses to keep from working. This is the reason he lost his job he had been at for nearly 10 years. He constantly overdrafts checks and lays around all day watching TV. All he has to do is work another 1-2 years and he can draw retirement from his former job.

At 57 he tells me now that he is tired of working and doesn’t want to go back. When I opened my own checking account so I would have gas to go to work and be able to pay bills, he threw a fit and accused me of having an affair. My friends say to kick him out. He has ABSOLUTELY no friends and no interest other than TV. He has no income and nowhere to go. He has bankrupted us to the point that I live paycheck to paycheck and can not possibly afford to move out. I can not pay bills now and he doesn’t care but he yells and screams and throws a fit if something gets cut off.

I refuse to work a second job as I already work 53 hours a week. I want a divorce but I have no where to go and no extra income to move on. My youngest son (only one left at home) hates him, as I do to. He will not listen to anything and insists “everything will be alright” and that “everything will get paid”, but it wont. I have no family and no place to go. He has family but they don’t want anything to do with him. I want him out of my life but I’m stuck and not sure what to do now. I am to the point that I hate him. It is over and I need a way to get rid of him rather than be stuck here with him forever.

-Jo

Dear Jo,

I’m so glad you decided to write in with your question. I really feel for you during this tough time and I’m sure getting to this place in your life has been very difficult.

I think that some people in our lives become like a cancer, slowly choking the life out of us and killing us. We have to cut the cancer out before it destroys us. Your husband has become a cancer in your life and the life of your family so you really need to get rid of him.

I would advise that you kick him out of the house and let him fend for himself. It doesn’t matter if he doesn’t have anywhere to go, he’s a grown man and can figure that out, it’s not your responsibility. You may have to get the police involved if he refuses to leave which could get quite messy, however, he sounds like he is verbally abusive to you so perhaps you could use that in your defense.

Another option would be to check into any community services that might be available for women in your situation. Shelters, temporary housing, etc. could give you some time for you to get your own place. Where there is a will, there is a way and if you want to be free from him bad enough, you’ll find a solution. If you’re looking for someone to give you permission to leave or get rid of him then look no further.

This is not what marriage is about and he is taking advantage of you and abusing you. You are free to leave him and get on with your life with your head held high because you have done everything possible to make your marriage work and this is not your fault. You seem like a lovely woman and you deserve to be loved and cherished not just used as a meal ticket. Cut this cancer off before it sucks the very life out of you.

Kindest regards and all the best,

Ted

2 thoughts on “Ask: How Do I Get Rid of a Deadbeat Husband?

  1. Arvind

    This is a sad situation indeed dear.
    He is not likely to change. What I feel you can do is to look for a temporary place for yourself and make him realise that he cannot carry on on his own. Also stop paying him anything for his expenses. Get the community help if neded. Instead of kicking him out, just plan your quiet exit from his life and wish him best of everything. After all you have spent so many years with him.
    Remember, It is easier to change yourself than to change the world.

    Best wishes
    Arvind

  2. morgan

    This sounds much like my situation. My husband was a Florida probation officer relieved of duty for some reason about 5 years ago. I feel trapped. My kids are now adults, but we share a house that I pay for. He contributes very little.

    Thanks Ted for the advice.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *