How Do I Save My Ruined Reputation?

How do you save a ruined reputation? Everyone thinks I am crazy because of a recent situation that happened in my life. I could not live up to the demands of my husband illness.

We weren’t married in the true sense of the word. I love him very much and gave him the best years of my life as a friend and he was always good to me. Now, everyone looks upon me with pity and keep treating me like a crazy person. I cannot be normal because of their sideways glances/treatment. I am not crazy, but how do you convince someone? How do you get back what you have lost? They think I deserted him, but was not prepared for the demands that came with his illness.

I had other concerns and loves in my life (family) that I wanted to take care of. Skeletons in my closet, I was trying to make amends for when his illness drove me beyond my emotional/physical abilities. I was not allowed to be myself/let my guard down. The “treatment” that I am an invalid/nuts keeps me from moving forward. Paul was wretched because he was torn between doing right. I am wretched because I have no hopes of redeeming myself. I loved him and am completely misunderstood.

I am getting old. No one will have me/can save me now. I don’t like being selfish, but cannot see beyond this dilemma. I want to be beautiful and full of love. How can I stop this “special” treatment that I am a special needs person, when I am only human and NOT crazy. Although I feel very much like a bad person. I can’t see forward. My future is done.

-Caitlyn

Dear Caitlyn,

Thanks for sharing your problem with me. This sounds like a tough situation and I’m sure you didn’t make the decision lightly to leave this man. You’re not a bad person and no one has a right to judge you because no one has walked in your shoes.

I think the first step for you to take is for you to forgive yourself and give yourself some slack. When we learn to love who we are and accept that we aren’t perfect, but forgiven, then it’s easier to live with our head held high not worrying what other people think of us. Other people don’t determine our worth nor do they validate us as people.

I think the people that are judging you aren’t worth having as friends or worth having in your life and their opinion isn’t what counts. God’s opinion and your own are the two most important opinions. I know for sure that God loves you regardless, so now you just have to work on loving yourself and accepting any limitations you may have.

Is their anyway you can start mixing in other circles where these people aren’t around? It would be extremely beneficial to start rebuilding your life where people don’t know your business or where they do not know your ex-husband. Could you move to a different part of town? Perhaps switch churches if you go? I just think some space from these judgmental people would be helpful so that you can become strong enough within that you no longer care what these people think.

You are indeed beautiful and full of love to give as well as deserving of being loved by a man in every way a man can love a woman. I think that you can find happiness again, just don’t give up and keep your head held high.

Kindest regards,

Ted