I Am Bisexual and It’s Killing Me.

I am a high school boy and I am gay/bisexual. I realized that I am in love with my best friend. He will slap my butt and make suggestive motions with his lips, but he laughs like it’s a joke. He never said he was attracted to men, but he hasn’t had a girlfriend in a while. I want to tell him so bad, but I don’t know what he will say.

Should I tell a close girl friend first? I don’t want everybody to know, but I want someone to. My parents are Christians that are anti-gay. I am a Christian, but I believe that because Jesus died on the cross for me, I will no longer be condemned for being gay. He took the punishment for the sin.

My parents are VERY strict, but my real dad is very lenient and I believe will accept my sexuality. The only problem is that I would change school districts and lose hundreds of thousands of dollars of financial support. What should I do? Tell my friend? Keep my mouth shut? Please help me. Thanks.

-Tim

Dear Tim,

Thanks for your question and for sharing. First of all, you aren’t alone in your struggle as a gay teen. There are many young men and women out there who are afraid to be who they are and express themselves how they were created too because of society’s fear of what’s different and what it doesn’t understand.

I think your friend may indeed have feelings for you because in my experience, guys who joke a lot in homosexual ways usually are expressing those feelings in what is considered a safe way.. “joking”. Whether or not he is ready to admit his possible gayness is another question. I would say proceed with caution and try to get him in situations were he will let his guard down and be honest with you.

It probably would be great if you had someone to talk to about this, perhaps your girl friend would be a good option as long as she is trustworthy. As for your parents, it will be difficult as I know what some Christians are like. I would like you to consider that being gay isn’t even a matter of sin but more a matter of how people are created differently and usually very different from the idealistic man and woman we somehow think existed. God just expects us to love him and others the best way possible based on how we are created and yes Jesus died for more than just our sins but for every aspect in which we fall short of the ideal.

You seem like a beautiful young man and always remember that there is nothing wrong with you so celebrate who you are. Seek out others that will love you for who you are. Perhaps you can tell your parents in time but for now just come out to people you trust and move through this process as you feel comfortable, taking your time so to speak as there is no hurry. There is a lot of love and joy for you to experience in this world and I commend you for being brave enough to begin taking the steps to be who you are which ultimately leads to true freedom.

Kindest regards,

Ted

Check out gaychristianalliance.com for some good info on being a gay christian and on coming out.