I Have A History of Abuse, Rape, and Abandonment

I suffer from a lot of things. I keep getting back into my head and hurting myself. Let’s start from the beginning.

My parents got a divorce, no biggie lots of people now a days go through that, but then my sister starts acting out. Running away, drinking, joining a gang, lots of different things that should never ever happen. I became ignored. I locked myself away and decided if no one wanted me they wouldn’t get me. I started to suffer from depression by age 9. I would get picked on all the time by kids at school and beat up. My parents got back together for a little bit, my sister got pregnant and my niece was born premature and had lots of medical problems.

My parents had finally broken up for good a bit before she was born because my sister lied about some stuff to get him kicked out. My mom started talking bad about him to us kids. When she got her new bf she let him and his sister plus her hubby move in…My mom’s boyfriends brother in law molested me at age 13 and she got mad when I told someone. She never let me press charges though.

We moved to North Carolina after my sister married a marine. When I was 15 years old, a few days after my birthday my mom told me she would take me shopping instead she brought her boyfriend over. I didn’t wanna hear them have sex so I went next door to see some of my friends but since they were in the military they were on leave at the time and I forgot. The guy staying there lied to me said that they would be home soon. We were sitting there watching a movie. He got up and proceeded to rape me. I passed out because it hurt so much (he raped me in the butt too) and my mom found out. She told everyone I was mad because it was a one night stand and lied about it all.

That is when me and my mother started to not get along. I had to move out of there. When I was 16 I moved back to Florida and in with my dad and brother. Oh btw my sisters always used me and didn’t care about me. When I was 7 they almost killed me by mixing Smirnoff with some kind of pills I can’t remember.

So I move in with my dad and my brother. My brother had a gf and she is big into drugs, gets him into it too, my dad is also a druggie too. So my brother is all about his gf now, puts her before me and one day I called her the C word because she threw my phone at me and hit me in the eye and my brother chokes me out. My dad tries to stop him but he pushes him off of me. It was really scary.

I went to school for one semester in Florida, and then dropped out. My anxiety got bad and I was soon afraid of being in public. My best friend dropped me for her boyfriend and told me I was annoying. I can never keep a boyfriend or a friend for that matter. My family ignores me.

I live in Cali now with my boyfriend and he ignores me and puts me down and he never does anything for me. I feel like he hates me and could care less for me. He does so much hurt towards me and I cannot stand it. My heart hurts. My chest hurts. I feel horrible. I am moving back to Florida soon though.

My problem is, I am so depressed and I cannot live. I am scared to go out in public and be around people. I am hating everything. Some think I am autistic. But I believe I am agoraphobic. Please help me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can’t do this anymore and I am just so scared. I don’t know what to ask of you. I just know I just want help. I need to get out of this shell. I can hardly sleep right, I eat too much, I can’t work out, and I don’t even take care of myself anymore…please help I need motivation!

Dear Kate,

Thanks for sharing your very troubling story with me. I think it’s remarkable that after all you have been through, you are still here and haven’t let it destroy you. That shows that you have a lot of character and are very strong.

There’s not much I can do in this format, but I can encourage you to try to enter into some kind of therapy, perhaps you could go away to a live-in type of program. I did a quick search and found this one . You really need to be somewhere, where you can heal and work through all the shit you’ve been through in your life.

It will probably be a good idea if you don’t have much to do with your family. They seem like a great antagonist in your life and you need only surround yourself with people that will be a positive force in your life right now. I think for the next season of your life that you should probably spend some time single. Focus fully on getting well and not worrying about someone else. Also, you aren’t in any position to even choose a guy that’s decent right now. You are in a vicious cycle and you will subconsciously choose guys that will pick up where your family left off.

It’s just important that you get help from a professional. If you feel you are a danger to yourself then you need to admit yourself to the hospital. They will also be able to refer you to physiologists and/or counselors that can help you.  Another program that may be good is Teen Challenge. This is a faith based program that helps young women, so visit their website as well.

I know that you are alive for a reason and the world needs you here. You are strong and you will get through this, just find the help that will enable you to heal your emotional wounds in order to achieve your destiny.

Kindest regards,

Ted