I Have a Very Controlling Mother

I am 23 years old and I have controlling parents and am not sure how to handle it. My boyfriend is in the military and he will be gone about 9 months, so while he is away my parents said I could come live with them. However, now they are telling me that I cannot hang out with certain friends I have, they will not let me drive anywhere unless it is somewhere that they want me to go, and they are telling me where I can and cannot work and so forth.

My boyfriend wanted me to go live near his family in Texas, but of course when my parents found out about this possible situation they became very mad and I got a lecture from my mother saying how I am throwing away opportunities and am going to ruin my relationship with my boyfriend, etc. I have been living thousands of miles away from my parents for the past 5 months and even then my mother got upset when I didn’t say good morning and good night to her every day and also call her every single day to “talk about my day”.

When I said that I was staying in a hotel for 3 nights before coming home she said that if I do she will buy a plane ticket and come stay with me to make sure I do not get into any trouble or go out anywhere. I do not know how to get her to stop controlling everything in my life, it is to the point where moving away is the only thing that might help (as before when I had my own apartment in town they would show up at my door if I did not answer my phone to make sure I was okay.) What should I do?

-Leigh

Dear Leigh,

Thanks for sharing your situation with me. My answer is very simple. You have to move out and not only move out, but move out of town. Your parents have got to let go and I’m afraid you’ll have be a bit stern with them in order for them to do so.

Perhaps move to Texas and lay down some ground rules. 1. You will not be calling them everyday. 2. They are not to turn up unless invited. 3. They are not entitled to give their opinion unless you have asked for it. You are a grown woman and its time you stand up for yourself and it’s time your parents accept that fact. You have every right to hang with who you want and go where you want. You even have the right to make bad decisions and destroy your life… I don’t think you’ll do that, but it is your right.

I know this seems tough, but you’ll be glad you did it in the long run and you will eventually be able to have a normal, healthy relationship with your parents.

All the best,

Ted