I Think I’m In Love With Two Boys

I recently moved to a new city this summer. I started off in a new school, and this boy talked to me in one of my classes. Let’s name him “Joe.” “Joe” seems really nice, and most people tell me that he’s interested in me. He opens doors for me, sits next to me in class, smiles at me, etc.. He’s become a really close friend of mine. I could even consider him my best friend.

Anyway, I’m really starting to like him, too. Only one problem: I already have a boyfriend. Let’s call him “Steve.” We’ve been together for two years. I’m in absolute love with him and I never could imagine being without him. But now “Joe” is really starting to get to me. I get nervous whenever school’s about to start and I can’t wait to talk to him each day. I don’t know whether this feeling is just a cry of help, since I’m new or if I’m actually starting to fall for him.

I’m not trying to be cheesy, but I get butterflies whenever I’m going to talk to him or see him. It’s getting worse every day. I’m very confused. I don’t want to tell “Joe”, or “Steve” about this problem until I know for CERTAIN what I want to do. But, most of all, I’m scared of losing “Joe” as my best friend. He’s so sweet, I don’t want to him to stop being around me when I end up telling him I already have a boyfriend. I really like the feeling he gives me when he pays attention.

I know I’m being selfish, but I don’t want it to go away. I’ve considered breaking up with my current boyfriend, (we’re in a long distance relationship), but I couldn’t bear it. However, now, I’m starting to think otherwise.. I’m not even acting like myself anymore. “Joe” is just taking control of my feelings for “Steve”, and although it’s wrong, I’m loving every second of it. I’m in panic mode. I don’t want to lose either of them. I couldn’t handle if I did. It’s almost as if they’re my drug, and I need a dose of both of them to remain sane. I don’t know what to do.

I know most would have suggested: “Steve’s far away, what he knows won’t hurt him, right?” Well, wrong. I wouldn’t even consider cheating. It’s the last option on my mind. Especially when it’s at risk of hurting the both of them. All I know is that “Joe” and “Steve” don’t even know the other exists, and I really want to keep it that way.. I’m so confused at the moment. Please help me!

-Justine

Dear Justine,

Thanks for sharing your very confusing situation with us. I have always believed that teens your age shouldn’t be in these super committed “adult” type relationships.

Being young is time for you to find out what you like in the opposite sex and explore what different guys are like. If you are in a serious, committed relationship during this whole time period, you can really miss out on a lot of other relationships with great people. Especially in your case when it’s even a long distance, serious relationship.

I know several people that have really regretted the fact that they were so serious with their boy or girlfriend in High School. They spent all four years with this person and then when they each went off to college the relationship ended and they felt as though they missed out on some of the best years of their lives because they were so preoccupied by these exclusive relationships.

My advice to you is to set yourself free in order to follow your heart and get to know this new guy. But with caution to not get too serious with him either. You have so many years ahead of you to be in committed, serious relationships. Enjoy this time of your life when you can date casually and explore what you like and don’t like in guys and relationships. Just be honest with those involved and make sure that you are up front about the fact that you want to date around or explore other options. Just don’t be too serious as life is too short and you are indeed only young once.

All the best,

Ted

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Filed Under: Ask a Counselor, Love, School Issues

Comments (1)

sup? November 8th, 2011 at 4:39 pm    

I kinda know what ur going through…I am in love with this guy ray. we had like the most special moment anyone could have. He walked up to me and said hey first, not something he normally does, and he said “look i know you really like me and all and it’s not like i have zero feelings for you, im just not ready to date, but i do have feelings for you too, so, cya :) ” with the additional stuff i said, anyway i have been in love with ray for like ever, and i still am , you know how in love? in love to the point that when he moves i LITERALLY want to move down there to be with him, or just so he could hold me one more time, like he I couldn’t fall more in love if i tried, and i am a very sweet person. but this guy kevin, the first thing he said to me, well not really me, to his friend i just said like one thing , he said “she’s cool” and then his friend sent me this mean thing, and he said that wasn’t me it was my friend, so then i went through this crazy thing i thought he wasnt as great of a friend, but then something like sholked me inside like “what did i just do, how could i think that” because i just assumed he liked what he said (his friend) he said, “nooo! not at all” and he said, its ok, you dont even need to talk about it, so i felt like i still needed to appoligize in a way,since i reacted that way, he didnt like at all what he said , and then i thought since i have this urge i think imm like falling love with kevin, that was the FIRST time, then there was just a random day where i had this random feeling out of no where that i think im falling lnlove with him, and now i had a dream that i kissed him , a week ago and i am still so in love with him, so i have fallen in love with kevin on and off, but i still love ray just as much as i just said, like i couldnt fall more inlove if i tried, but im ALMOST feeling like that with kevin. so yeaa

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