Ask a Counselor: We’re Broke, My Husband’s an Alcoholic, and I’ve had Enough.

I have been married for about 3 years now, and it has not at all been happy.

My husband turned out to have a bad drinking problem and I am afraid I have done everything that one is not supposed to do when dealing with an alcoholic, but God knows I am trying to cope.

I have no job, and can’t seem to find one. Our money is very little as we struggle just to make ends meet. My health is okay, but I do have some some stomach and blood pressure issues which are largely due to stress. I never realized that I would feel so alone and helpless being married as I do now.

I don’t have any friends where we live, I can’t sleep at night, and I’m at my wits end now! I pray sometimes until I get a headache. The Lord is all I have, yet I feel like I am not going to be able to handle this situation any longer and I have absolutely no where else to go!

-Jolana

Dear Jolana,

Thanks for writing and my heart goes out to you as you navigate life during this trying time.

These tough economic times have been tough on many people even when both people are pulling their weight in trying to make ends meet. So from what I gather from your issue, your husband is still drinking and you are left with the burden of trying to keep things together as he indulges his addiction.

You didn’t mention any children in the equation which is good. I recommend that you separate from your husband and return to where you have a support system in place such as where you do have friends or family living. You cannot stay in this unhealthy situation. Your husband needs to make changes and if you are enabling him to remain an alcoholic then I doubt he will ever get the help he needs.

You can tell him that if he stops drinking, gets treatment, and gets a job then you will consider reuniting. You have hung in there, tried the best you can, and now it’s time to enter survival mode, which means making tough choices.

God loves you, He understands, and He is not disappointed in you nor will He be if you decide to leave. What he does want is for you to be healthy and have a sound mind. Don’t let traditional church thinking of “staying together no matter what” poison your good judgment. This type of marriage is not what God intended nor does He want you to willingly keep yourself in this destructive situation.

Please leave a comment and lets us know what you decide to do.

Sincerely,

Ted