I’m Depressed and Angry

A couple of years ago my grades started to slip, I started sleeping a lot more, and I started gaining weight. Then a few months into that I met this guy, immediately jumped into bed with him, we started hanging out, and everything turned around. I was happy. We spent a lot of time together smoking weed and I think all my problems went up with the smoke. Then I quit weed and started exercising and everything was still fine. I stopped exercising a year into our relationship because I was happy with my size and everything changed.

We fought a lot partly because he still smoked weed and because I couldn’t trust him even though I love him. I found myself hating everything everyone did especially him. Society in general annoyed me. I took all my anger out on him. I needed to talk but no one was there for me. We kept breaking up and getting back together because I would say totally mean things to him and abuse him. He would forgive me after I promised not to do it again, but I would. Finally he said that was it.

What’s wrong with me. I use to be this peaceful person and now I’m filled with rage and can’t control my feelings. I want him back, but I know I don’t deserve him or anyone right now. I don’t even have the courage to talk to him. Now I can’t eat or sleep despite being exhausted. I don’t know what to do.

-Ann

Dear Ann,

Thanks for taking the time to share your situation with me. From what you’ve told me, there’s a few things that I would suggest that you consider. It seems like instead of dealing with your original problems or issues, you placed all your happiness in a person. You’re boyfriend and the weed became a temporary “fix” or mask for whatever was going on in your life at that time.

The problem with this is it always wears off and leaves us worse than before. No person can solve our problems and make us happy, true happiness and contentment comes from within. When this guy couldn’t live up to your expectations and no longer could be your source of happiness, the anger that had been repressed began spilling over the top on this guy and on yourself.

I would advise you to not pursue a relationship with this guy or anyone else right now. It’s not that you don’t deserve a relationship, but that you need to work through the repressed issues in your life that’s causing the rage and depression and learn to love yourself. You can never be truly happy with someone else until you are first happy with yourself. Do you have access to a counselor that could help you uncover what the root issues of your anger, depression, and discontent are? A school counselor or a community counselor would be so helpful in working through this process with you.

You have a lot of love to offer someone and I know that you will have the life and relationship you’ve always dreamed of, but you have to learn how to be complete and happy on your own, so that your next relationship can be a partnership not a means to be happy or complete.

All the best,

Ted