This is one question that I hear a lot and it deserves some time and thought especially when it seems that  many Christians are more messed up sexually than those not having a particular faith.

Growing up in church, I was taught that any sexual acts or thoughts outside of marriage was wrong and lustful and of course the Bible was used as justification of this. Also, sexual sin was put up on a pedestal as being the worst while other sins were acceptable or minor. For instance, don’t masturbate, but it’s Ok if I pleasure myself with 5 plates of food at the church pot luck.

If the Bible is a sexual manual, what would it tell us?

• More than one wife is acceptable.
• Women have to be virgins before marriage, men do not.
• Marrying your dead brother’s wife is required
• If you divorce and remarry, you commit adultery
• If a women is found not to be a virgin before marriage, she is to be stoned.
• If a couple has sex during the woman’s period, they are to be executed.

This is just a few of the many passages about sex found in the Bible and most would agree that we wouldn’t believe that these rules were meant for us and the culture in which we live, but were relevant to the culture to which they were written.

What does God want us to believe about sex?

If we look to Jesus, we see that he didn’t talk much about sex, other then a few passages about divorce and marriage.  He did, however, tell us and show us how we are to treat others in every arena of life, not just sex. We are to treat others with love and respect as well as to respect ourselves. So I believe that appropriate sexual behavior should fall under those guidelines if we are to enjoy sex the way God intended.

The church has used rules and warnings as a way to control and also as a way to protect people from the harm that sex can cause people when it’s not done in a loving, respectful relationship. However, in doing so the church has missed the heart of the gospel and and has just given more rules to keep people in bondage and guilt if they slip up in this area.

Some Christians become so sexually repressed because they are afraid of any sexual feelings at all, when God is the one who designed them as sexual beings, with sexual desires. Sex isn’t evil or disgusting, but it’s meant to be a beautiful thing between two people. Other Christians live double lives, as they would be condemned and excommunicated if they’re sexual preference was known.

If you are a Christian and struggle with feeling good about sex or expressing it in a healthy way, then it’s time you begin thinking of sex in a different way and consider that God has made you  as a sexual being. Perhaps all the rules and guidelines aren’t really what God is telling us about sex, but rather he wants us to be fulfilled and live abundantly in all areas of our lives, even sexually.