This year has honestly been the worst year of my life. I just graduated from high school and since then I’ve been working a full time job and attending night classes at the local college. I work in the morning seven hours a day and by the time I’m out of work I rush to get to class and get out of college by 9, 10 pm.
I speak to no one, associate with no and can honestly say I’ve not made one friend this entire year. I work so much I have no time for relaxing or studying. And I kind of resent my father for pushing me to pursue this job.
I often think ‘well didn’t he at least think about how this would effect my grades?’ Or why did he care so much about me having a job and not about making me happy and allowing to attend the college I’ve dreamed of? I’m really starting to hate him for it and I’ve been questioning why God tells us to honor/obey our parents when all I’ve gotten out of that was a year full of unhappiness, loneliness and depression.
I attended the school he told me to go to, even when I knew that’s not where I wanted to be, I took the job he wanted me to take, and its been the core of my unhappiness. I think I just wanted someone to support me and tell me go where you want for school, do the things you’ve always wanted to do, don’t revolve your life around working.
The school I wanted to go to is more than I can afford. I really wanted to go there, but I’m scared of being in debt because of it, especially since I plan to attend graduate school later on and that too will be expensive. My parents can’t afford to pay for my schooling and because of this job I get no financial aid. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel stuck and I just can’t make a decision. The college I attend now costs me nothing, but I hate it. I hate that my grades are dropping, when I know I could be doing better if I had the time. I hate going to class and coming straight home. I hate going to work with people who are so much older than me, then going to night classes with mothers or senior citizens. I can’t relate to any of them and I feel like an 18 year old living a 40 year olds life. I don’t have anyone to talk to or hang out with.
I have not went out or did anything ‘fun’ in over a year, my life has just turned into all work and no play. I go home at the end of the day and wonder why I’m still living or why won’t God just take my life away instead of having me be depressed and cry every night. Its literally the same thing every week : go to work mon to fri, go to night classes mon to sat and spend fri, sat and sunday in my room depressed. All aspects of my life have gone downhill this year: no friends, no time, no fun, no life. I’m losing my mind and would really appreciate some advice on where to go from here. Thank you.
Thanks for sharing your troubling situation with me. I have good news for you! You are an adult, have every right to make your own decisions, and if you don’t like where you’re at in life, you can change it.
I hate when people have been taught scripture incorrectly because your situation is the fruit of that. The Bible never meant that adults were to obey their parent’s every command. This is foolish and never what God intended as He gave you your own mind and the power to make your own decisions. As adults we respect of parents and listen to their counsel, but the decisions are ours even if it goes against their counsel. Remember, as a rule of thumb, Jesus came to bring us abundant life, so anything that’s holding us back from abundant life isn’t from God.
Look, you have the power to change your life and I believe that’s the message God is trying to get through to you. He’s not going to take you in your sleep because your life has a purpose and He knows it! Quit your job, focus on your studies, and make some friends. Get a part time job to have fun money and enjoy your college years as they should be some of the best years of your life.
At some point you will have to stand up for yourself, make your own decisions, and pursue your dreams and desires. I would venture to say that the time is now! You are obviously a very bright, talented woman and you are missing out on life and love by being so busy that you don’t even have time to think. So if you want your life to be different the future is in your hands and you must take action to shape your life into the life you have always wanted.