Losing That Loving Feeling

I fear I have become horribly emotional and maybe a little crazy around what it means to be in a relationship. We are not married, have been together for 5 years and have a son together. We have talked about getting married before we got pregnant, it just didn’t happen in that order.

For the past 2 years he has been gone a lot with work and I have been “holding down the fort” and caring for our disabled son. This has created a lot of stress and I believe helped to contribute to the downfall of our relationship.

I feel like I am the one who considers him, honors birthdays and special occasions, is actively loving with my actions and words but I do not feel he is reciprocating. He tells me he loves me, but his actions do not always show it.

We have the ability to communicate well, but I don’t feel heard. I know to focus on being kind, being of service, being LOVING despite not getting it back (in the way that suits my ego, maybe). But that is the problem, it seems easier to give love to a stranger or acquaintance or even a family member without the expectation of getting it back; but not to receive love back in the form where you feel completely loved from your partner is another story.

That is basically where I am going with this email, I don’t feel completely loved even though I know he loves me (mostly through his verbage). If this has anything to do with my ego, I’m probably not ready to hear it, it is too hard to wade through those waters. I am definitely not Mother Theresa. Any suggestions or advice is much appreciated, thank you!

-Kim