Married an Ex-Con and He Cheated After 5 Months

My husband and I married after he was released from prison in August 2010 after 5yrs. We dated briefly before he went in and keep in touch but I went on with my life. I tried to keep him encouraged and he did the same for me. Always writing, sending cards,or listening. So as time went on and much hurt break his mother and I went to see him. There I realized that I truly loved him and I prayed that everything he promised was true.

After we were married in October things seem to be going well we each had boys and they got along great. But he didn’t get a job right away or appear to want do much of anything. So the arguing started so because he had probation to pay he started working at the night club. That’s when he began to change and wanted to spend time with friends instead of his nagging wife.

He stopped talking to me because he said nothing would change. I didn’t believe him, but I started find phone numbers and calls, condoms, then one night he didn’t come home. Even after he did get a job, he still would not help with the bills. I let this continue  because I deal with depression and I couldn’t deal with the fights.  Even though it broke my heart I asked him to leave. Now I just cry and pray it can work out.

-Lesha

Dear Lesha,

Thanks for sharing your problem with me and I think it’s great that you believed in this guy and stood by him while he was in jail. You truly are a wonderful women and quite frankly, this guy doesn’t deserve you.

I think God is showing you the writing on the wall here, which is for you to let this joker go. I know it hurts and is heart breaking, but you have to respect yourself enough to never let anyone walk on you and take advantage of you the way this guy has. We can’t change people no matter how much we love them. Change has to come from within and your husband isn’t ready to change and no doubt will end up back in jail because it looks like he has already begun the downward spiral.

Please don’t let this guy destroy your beautiful life and heart in the process. If you don’t let him go, I assure you he will destroy you. I’ve seen this situation play out time and time again. He’ll hit the bottom, maybe with an arrest or something and then he’ll come crawling back to you, begging for your forgiveness and promising that he’ll change. He will be good for awhile, but eventually this cycle will repeat itself. Don’t let this cycle continue as you deserve much better.

The only way your husband will change is if he is left to change on his own, where he has to make it on his own without anyone that he can use and abuse or that will enable his bad behavior. This guy won’t bring you the happiness and fulfillment that you’re looking for in a marriage.

Kindest regards,

Ted