I have three best friends and then one of them (Sarah) is only hanging out with my other best friend (Morgan). All they do is exclude my other best friend (Julia) and I. It is so awkward when we go places together because Sarah never lets me in on anything. We were never in a fight, so I don’t think I need to apologize for anything.

-Libsta

Dear Libsta,

Thanks for your question and I understand how difficult friendships can be at times. I can give you some advice and if you take it to heart, you will be able to have great friendships and people will love to be around you.

In friendships you are in control of only one person and that is yourself. You have to decide to be the best friend possible to people and allow them to have the freedom to spend time with who they wish. Anytime we try to control people and manipulate them by acting angry, not speaking etc., it never goes well and it only pushes people further away.

If your friends would rather hang out with each other than you and you’re other friend, then give them the freedom to do so and welcome them back with open arms when they want to spend time with you. When we give people freedom and don’t try to control them, it actually draws people to us because they can be friends with us without any expectations or pressure. They feel comfortable around us and will actually open up.

If you want to know your friend better, just be there for her, give her freedom, and let her see that she can trust you by how you treat and talk about others. Friendships are tough at times, but learning to love without expectations can lead to some really great friendships.

Sincerely,

Ted