My Boyfriend Can’t Commit

I’ve been with this guy for 2 years unofficially, I’m in love with him, and he loves me. We are only with each other, but we don’t have a title because he’s afraid of commitment.

He says its like he knows what he wants, but in his head there’s a part that’s always fighting against it. He also second guesses every decision he makes, making even the simplest decisions almost impossible.

I want to be with him but I don’t know what to do about him.

-Lindsay

Dear Lindsay,

Thanks for sharing your problem with me. Unfortunately, this is a common problem in this generation. I think a lot of this stems from the fact that so many young adults come from families where the mother and father divorced.

The pain that this often creates in children turns into the lack of commitment as adults. This lack of commitment in relationships is a subconscious way of protecting themselves from pain. I don’t know if this is your boyfriend’s situation or not, but there’s not much you can do about it other than encourage him to seek some counsel.

You can be the best, sweetest, caring girlfriend ever, but as long as he lives with this irrational belief planted deep in his mind, he won’t be able to commit. Encourage him to spend some time talking to a counselor in order to uncover the root of this issue.

The other option for you is to walk away and move on with your life so that you can find a guy that will commit and give you the family you desire. However, it sounds like you love this guy and that he treats you pretty good otherwise so perhaps a little more patience could be in order as long as he is taking steps to work on this issue, understand himself better, and love you better.

All the best,

Ted