Ask: My Boyfriend Hits, Insults, and Disrespects Me

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years. During this time he has been physically abusive to me and is continually verbally abusive (f**k off, shut up, slut etc).

It was recently our anniversary. He told me he had no money for the week as he choose to spend it all that weekend with his friends. On the day itself, he choose to spend his time with his car instead of with me. I was obviously upset by this, but was told how stupid I was and we could do something the following week.

I then asked to spend time with him on his two days off that week, turning down plans with my friends as I was looking forward to seeing him. On the days, he denied us having any plans, leaving me to spend the time alone. I tell him constantly how disrespectful he is and how worthless he makes me feel, but he responds by telling me that I need to learn to admit when I am wrong, I need to change and that I should take him as he is.

He has been diagnosed with depression and possible bi-polar disorder and I feel I have made excuses for him and his behaviour, based on this for too long. It has gotten to the point where I feel at rock bottom. How can I get him to understand how horrible he’s treating me and making me feel? I’ve told him all of this but he doesnt hear a word of it.

-Jill

Dear Jill,

Thanks for writing in with your problem and it sounds like this relationship has been very tough. I think you are overlooking the obvious here which is that this guy is a jerk and doesn’t really love you.

Love doesn’t treat people the way he treats you and I can’t for the life of me understand why you would stay in this situation and continually put yourself through hell. There’s nothing you can do to make him see that the way he’s treating you is wrong. He will have to see or discover this for himself and you staying with him, enabling him to get away with such behavior, will only cause him to continue to act horribly to you.

There is never any excuse for verbal or physical abuse and if you’re thinking that its noble of you for staying with him through all of this, it’s not, in fact, it’s the opposite. It shows that you have such little respect for yourself that you would allow yourself to be treated this way. You want this guy to respect you, but you have to respect yourself first before other people will.

I’m sorry if this seems harsh, but I’ve seen this situation time and time again and it never ends well for the girl. She wastes the best years of her life on a loser guy who does nothing but destroy her soul and then it takes years to undo all the damage if it can even be undone. I plead with you to get out of this relationship and never look back. Find a guy that will truly love you and cherish you for that is what you deserve.

I wish you all the best and I hope you choose the right thing for your life and future happiness.

Kind regards,

Ted

Filed Under: Abuse, Ask a Counselor

Comments

No Comments

About Us

This site offers Free Counseling, Christian Marriage Counseling, Divorce Help, Self Help Articles and Advice in order to help people achieve balance in their body, mind and spirit. Whether it be relationship difficulties, addiction, grief, abuse, depression, we're here to help.