My Husband Doesn’t Trust Me

By | June 17, 2011

I am here to try to save my marriage. I love my husband very much, but he has trust issues. His first wife cheated on him and the second betrayed his trust in other ways, and he thinks she cheated also, so now he has trouble trusting me. This is my 2nd marriage, my first husband cheated on me. My now husband is nothing like most men. I see that he is very caring, generous and truly loves me. He always wants the best for me.

The problem is that when he goes away from the home he is constantly worrying if I have another male in the house. I have had 3 jobs since we have been married and had to quit all 3 because he was afraid that I was cheating with a co-worker. I don’t know how to give him the confidence in me. He keeps saying that he wants a guarantee from me, but doesn’t know what it could be. I don’t believe in cheating. I am monogamous. He is the only thing I want and I believe that we have a truly special bonding with each other. I believe that we can have one of the “fairy tale” marriages, that is to say, that we can be truly happy with each other, and only have each other, not be cheating or flirting with anyone else, for the rest of our lives.

This is our only issue and there are times when he wants to divorce because he doesn’t know how to get passed it. We have bad cell service at our house and this is the only phones we have for now. If I don’t answer my phone when he has his break or when he gets off of work, he automatically thinks I have a male in the house. Even though he knows our service is bad, that is where his mind automatically takes him and it starts a fight. After my divorce I stayed single for six years, not even going out on a date. Then I met my husband and he is the only one I’ve had any relationship with but he heard rumors about me at the place where we worked and he can’t get passed those. None of them were true. They were spread because people didn’t want us to get together.

I keep trying to get him to close the door on the past and move on so we can enjoy our present and future, but I just don’t know how to get him to do it. Please help me.


Dear Donna,

Thanks for your question. Trust is such an important thing in a marriage and without it things become stressful and crazy as you can attest to.

This has absolutely nothing to do with you, but everything to do with your husband’s insecurities. You have been allowing him to play his games and manipulate you, when you have done nothing wrong. I think you really need to stand up for yourself here and not let him treat you this way anymore. It’s really disrespectful to you, that he has judged you as well as your character when you have done nothing to deserve his suspicions or accusations.

Spouses are not to control each other and relationships where control is demanded usually will disintegrate. Tell your husband that you will no longer allow him to manipulate or control you. You are free to get a job and live a normal life. His fits and manipulation aren’t going to work anymore. That also, He needs to see a counselor so he can work through his trust issues and it’s not your responsibility to manage his insecurities and irrational behavior.

Now of course tell him this in a loving way, but make sure that he understands that his behavior is a form of disrespect and is not treating you in a loving way. I know this will be tough, but I find people only get away with bad behavior towards us as long as we allow them to. Once they discover that their manipulation no longer works, then they will start to approach the situation in a different way.

All the best,


4 thoughts on “My Husband Doesn’t Trust Me

  1. wendy martinez

    My husband is very controlling. He wants to go threw my phone looks at very single email I get and questions me about it ,like if he was a detective. He also wants to know a lot about my past relationships. He has no trust in me watsoever and because of his trust issue he abuses me physically and mentally calling me offensive names. Im tried of giving him chances and he always messes up. I have tried my best to make him trust in me but he seems like he will never do. I told him I separation and he becomes all nice and asks for forgiveness but o feel that’s just a way to.meanipulate me. I can’t understand how can he say he loves me if he can’t trust me.I don’t know what to do.

  2. keren

    My husband always accusing me of having an affair with other men, he always make jealous of our neighborhood guy, even my father… he always punch and hit my head if ive done something he dont like.. he wants me to obey what he said,.. i dont know what to do, he said that he doesnt trust me anymore even though i’ve done nothing. pls. advice me,

  3. lesego

    My husband of 8 months doesn’t treat me well because of his trust issues. He is so controlling and accuses me of cheating on him. He makes up stories and make me answer any suspicion he has about. He made me leaf my job , change my cell phone numbers even not talking to any other guy. He says I let men in when he is out to work and said I might be sick with HIV. HE Told his family and they came to our house. I tested negative but he still doesn’t seem to be happy. I always prove myself to him but things gets worse instead of better. Am tired of proving myself to him. I love him so much but he always thinks the worst out of me. I recently stays indoors. No friends no socialize but every time he get home he is upset. He would fight me for each and every car that passes our gate and hooter. For every foot print that is not his in the yard. I am hopeless and helpless

  4. Mary Kate

    If he wants to divorce you because of some imaginary fear that he has no reason to have WITH YOU, he sure as he’ll isn’t mature enough to be married period. The women who screwed him over in the past aren’t you and if he can’t see that he sure as hell doesn’t deserve you. You quitting jobs because he felt insecure just perpetuates the feeling that he has a right to ask for unreasonable “compromises” from you. But over everything else, he is manipulating you. In the end if you can’t make this stop, it will destroy your marriage and self esteem. Stand up for yourself woman! You obviously care about him and you marriage, but if it stays this unhealthy I hope you look out for number one and go find someone who respects you.

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