My Husband is a Hoarder and It’s Burying Me

By | February 4, 2012

husband-is-a-hoarderMy husband had a bad accident, DUI, he was drunk, about ten years ago. I was not with him. A semi and police car was hit and an officer received a knee injury. We got sued for a LOT.

My husband spent 4 months in jail. He was never in trouble before, and we had a good marriage. It was truly a fluke, he never drove intoxicated in his life before this episode. My family is in the area. His family is far away.

My entire family and all our friends know, his family is not aware and he wants it kept that way. I am constantly defending him with my family and friends, yet he has total freedom from his ordeal with his family. I feel like I am carrying the burden of his accident. He became nasty after his release from jail, bitter, became a hoarder trying to get back what he lost, and became verbally mean and short-tempered.

We live meagerly now, but his family thinks we are very well to do and when we travel to visit them, he really puts on the airs. I just sit with my mouth shut. He constantly tells me I don’t support him because I complain about the junk piling up with his hoarding (2 acres of it).

I am tired, depressed, but he seems carefree. How do I fix this or cope? I am 60 now and feel totally without hope for this situation. The last ten years have been awful and the future looks to be worse with his increasing hoarding and trying to “resell” to gain back what he lost.

I don’t care about the lost money–I only want freedom from this pressure. Should I inform his family and make him face up to what he has done?

-Bobbie

Dear Bobbie,

I think you do have the freedom to tell his family and cause him to be responsible for his actions. He’s living a lie and destroying you in the process.

Marriage is not slavery and marriage does not negate a person’s freedom and rights to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. You have given your husband the best years of your life and have stuck by him through some really difficult times.

He repays you by taking out his frustrations on you, burying you in junk, and by treating you verbally abusively.

You are not trapped in this marriage and you do have the freedom to leave and make a better life for yourself, evan at 60. You have many years left, but life is short so don’t waste your years in misery waiting for this guy to change because he probably won’t. He probably will only get worse.

He will hoard until you are buried in junk because hoarders care more about their junk than they do about themselves or the people in their lives.

Maybe if you leave and be honest with everyone about why you are leaving, he will get a wake up call and will get the professional help that he needs.

Kindest regards,

Ted

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