Dear Maureen,

The problem with many strong, manly men is that they aren’t available emotionally. For some reason, women are attracted to this but then find themselves in the same position as you. They think that eventually these guys will open up if they are just loved enough. I’m sure you thought this, but he’s still the same guy you married 9 years ago.

I wish there was an easy fix but it’s not that easy. Is this situation unfixable? Probably not, but you have to get through to your husband about the importance of him stepping up emotionally, not only with you, but also with your kid. Emotional distance damages kids as well as spouses.

If you want this to change, then you have to show him that you mean business. Tell him that you will not stay in this type of marriage anymore and be ready to leave him if need be to make your point. I think he needs a wake up call to make him realize what he could lose. Once he understands that he’s losing you and that he’s damaging his child, he probably will take some action, but don’t enable him to get away with his passivity anymore.

I doubt he will ever be the emotional support every woman dreams for, but I think he can meet you in the middle somewhere. Just make him see that you mean business and that your marriage has to be a two way street if it’s to continue and be a healthy environment to raise your child in.

All the best,

Ted