My Husband Puts Me Last

By | June 25, 2011

I feel I’m not getting my husband’s full attention as I used to. He doesn’t acknowledge me whenever I try to leave him a nice little note or an I love you. He says hes working he doesn’t have time to do anything, but seems to always have the time to tell his friends how much he loves and misses them.

Why do I feel I’ve been put on the back burner? I have been working so hard to make this work and I do everything and anything I can to make sure he knows I love him and I’m thinking about him. When I confront him about this issue he says I should just know he loves me, he shouldn’t have to say it.

So why is it ok to say it to his friends? Now when he says I feel like he’s just humoring me. I feel like I’m the only one working on this and feel he thinks he’s just perfect and doesn’t have to work on anything, only I do. I already deal with a lot of anxiety and depression and he’s adding to it. I used to feel on top of the world with him, now I feel I’ m last on the list.

-Lonelyanddepressed

Dear Lonelyanddepressed,

Thanks for sharing your situation with me. I think a lot of woman struggle with this same thing after marriage. Guys seem to fall into the habit of taking their wives for granted quite easily. They are extremely attentive before the wedding, but not long after, I think they think the chase is over so they don’t have to make effort anymore.

This isn’t true, a smart husband will keep pursuing his wife and keep the fires of romance burning. I think there are a couple of things that you can do to try to fix this. First, communication. Tell your husband how you’re feeling. Don’t accuse him of things, but use “I” statements. “I’ve been feeling lonely”, “I miss You”, I want to feel close to you”. Don’t even tell him how to fix it, let him figure that out.

Secondly, give him cause to pursue you once again. Go out with your friends, spend less time around the house when he’s home.. Make him miss you. Don’t be the sad puppy that waits in the corner for his master to come home and pet them, but get out there and have a life apart from your husband. I think when he’s sees that your not always there for him, he’ll begin stepping things up again.

Lastly, I would say it’s great that you do sweet things for your husband, like leave notes and such, but do these things out of your love for him alone. Don’t do them to get a thank you or even acknowledgement, remember, true love is unselfish. So give and don’t expect things in return, it’s much more fulfilling that way.

I think you and your husband will work through this and will both learn how to love each other more completely.

Kindest regards,

Ted

One thought on “My Husband Puts Me Last

  1. amy

    Hunny I feel your pain I am going through the same thing you are in no way alone. But the advice is amazing, do actually that

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