My Husband Secretly Filmed My Daughter

It all started 3 Christmas’s ago. My youngest daughter came home from college. Three days after she got home. She got out of the shower and found a hidden camera in her closet. My second husband heard her yell and came running up stairs. He told her not to tell her Mom because it would kill her. I knew something was up because she would not talk to him the hole time she was home. She did not tell me me what happened until she left in Jan. I called my parents then the police. The crime unit came in and took all of the computers, cameras.

Everything was taken out of the house while he was at work. When he came home I blew up. He told me he had a problem and had taken nude pictures of my oldest when she was 13. I overdosed on painkillers. The crime unit did not find any thing on the cameras or computers that were inappropriate. He volunteered to go to counseling. He went for two years. I went to counseling for 3 times until the therapist told me I caused my husband to do this. We lived together for a year because, I could not afford to move out.

Now we are “back together”. NO touching at all. My girls will have nothing to do with me. Now I have lost my job. I can’t live with or without them. Am I wrong???

-Mad At The World

Dear Mad At The World,

Thanks for sharing this very sensitive issue with me. You should be mad at yourself instead of being mad at the world. First of all, As a mother you always always always choose your children over a guy! You’re kids have every right to be angry at you. You would rather have this bastard in your life than them. Shame on you.

I try to be gracious, but this type of situation really bothers me. A guy that has harmed your children should never be allowed back in your life.. period. Whatever counselor said that his behavior was your fault should have their license taken away! What an embarrassment to the profession!

Look, you have to do whatever it takes to get rid of this guy for good and then fix things with your kids….

Kind regards,

Ted

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Filed Under: Ask a Counselor, Family Dysfunction, Sexual Abuse

Comments (2)

Faye August 13th, 2011 at 12:21 am    

My mom went through something similar to this. And she is still with the guy. Me and my siblings dont talk to her much because we are disappointed in her. She cant even come to some fmaily things because my family are very upset with her decisions. None of us live with her because of the fact that she has no job and lives in a motel room. I think you should just leave the guy! What he did was very very wrong! No one should be forgiven for that! But that is just my opinion. It is up to you though on what you are going to do.

Kandice August 17th, 2011 at 8:32 am    

I got very cold chills when I saw the headline of this… This happened to me! My mum was with a guy for 8 years and we thought everything was really good… finally a man that we can look up to as a father figure… I was 15 at the time and I remember the night like it was yesterday ( i am now 23yrs old) i came home form dancing and always got shin splints so mum was away on business as she was regularly, and so it was just me and my brother with this guy. I complained that my legs were hurting and mum usually told me to get a heat weat and lavender and put that on it insteadt i was told by her boyfriend to have a “nice warm soak in the bath!” thinking nothing of it I thought after dinner i will do that. This guy was going out for a coupl of hours so i was to babysit my brother but just as he left my broher told me he wanted to show me something. he took me to my mums room and put the t.v on.. he then flicked to a channel which had my bathroom on it! i look edat the VCR and it was recording! at this point i was a total MESS… we rang mum and my brother had to speak because i was unable, they seperated when she got back but then bought a house together and expected me to live there! Mum promised me a horse because we were moving to property (I think it was to hide) and begged me things would be better! this did not happen, the man would make me so uncomfortable when my mum wasnt around i was showering at 1am and making sure there were no cameras and no one outside looking in… i washed my underwear in the shower and eventually he asked me why my underwear wasnt in the washing basket.. mum stayed with him for another 4 years.. I was so broken by then, no self esteem no respect for myself, i stopped dancing stopped being social, my mother told me and my brother to keep quite otherwise we would ruin our so called family even more… My mum never spoke to me about it and that made everything worse! My mum is finally seperated from him and I tried to file charges but there is only a 12 month window to press charges apparently but because this man was an ex New Zealand cop and is now a private investigator the QLD police told me that they have been adviced to drop the case! i was gutted! my mother now regrets ever staying with him and wishes she could take it all back… as far as i was concerned.. her staying with him made me feel she chose him over me and that i was the problem! So please let me beg of you… dont let your daughter hurt more than what she has already! I still have bad problems and serious nightmares that have come from the nights thinking whats next? will he come in my room at night?? your daughter needs someone to protect her! we went to a counsellor and i didnt know but she knew the man who did this to me and she told me that it was only an accident and i was being stupid! I swore i would never speak to anyone about it ever again if they saw my face! please i cant tell you enough, your daughter needs you! Choose her, not him! because at the end of the day you will have to look back and i promise you will regret this if you dont act on it! and your daughter will never trust you to protect her ever again… I still dont trust my mum if you want to talk to me more, please feel free to send me an email! or even give your daughter my email address kandice.ansell@gmail.com I really hope this helps xXx

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