My Mom Hits, Kicks, and Belittles Me

I’m almost 15 years old and I live with my mom and step dad in his house (he pays the bills, etc.) I generally believe I’m a good kid, I don’t drink or do drugs, I go to an advanced (gifted) learning school, and I don’t have a boyfriend or have sex. I try to keep the house clean (doing the laundry, dishes, etc.) and occasionally I even do extra nice things for my mom.

Since I was little, ( I do admit I get a little attitude when I’m angry) my mom yells at me for the littlest things, I have ADHD, but I’m unmediated so I don’t always hear/listen to/remember all of the things she asks me to do and when this happens (often) she gets angry and calls me lazy, fat, or ungrateful. Sometimes we get in arguments and she’ll be yelling at me, so I tell her I don’t appreciate how she speaks to me, or I’ll ask her to please calm down a bit, and she’ll chase me through the house and when I can’t run anywhere else, she’ll hit me until I’ll fall to the ground, at which point (depending on the severity of her anger) she might kick me.

She has even left bruises on my head to the point where it hurts to try to wash my hair. She always threatens me like “one day I’m going to lose it and you’ll end up dead” or “sometimes I just want to drop you like a bxtch in the streets (meaning beat me up severely.)” I’m absolutely terrified of her when she’s like this, but she’s not like this all the time, sometimes she’s super nice and loving, like a normal mother and daughter. However, it’s always one extremity or the other.

I used to go cut myself when she’d do this, I’d cry and cry because I have nowhere else to go and no way to get away. I’ve even contemplated suicide. I do admit I participate in the arguments, but she starts them and it really makes me mad how she puts me down constantly. I don’t know what to do, the last straw was when she grabbed me by the throat this morning and told me how sometimes she doesn’t even see me when I make her mad, but she sees some bxtch she wants to beat dead.

I feel so trapped. Is there anyway I can work this out with her, face to face, without going to the police or cps or a counselor? I love her and want to live with her, but I don’t know how much longer I can take this, it’s like a huge weight in my heart.

-Anonymous

Dear Anonymous,

Thanks for sharing your difficult situation with me and my heart really goes out to you. There is never any justification for a mother to treat her child this way. I’m sorry but your mom has some serious anger issues and she is taking it out on you. This is unacceptable and there will be no way to rationally talk to her about this. She needs professional help and the only way she will get the help is that if you break the silence and tell adults that can get her help.

Please talk to social services or your school counselor about the abuse before this already out of control situation escalates to the point where you are seriously hurt by your mother or you hurt yourself out of utter despair. I know this is a scary thing for you to do, but you are a strong, bright young lady and are tough enough to deal with the changes that will take place to help your mom change.

Social services will most likely work to keep your family together and will get your mom professional help. However, I do know if you do survive your childhood without breaking the silence, you will no doubt hate your mother in the future because of how she treated you and you yourself will have to spend a lot of time in therapy to undo the emotional wounds your mother has inflicted.

If you put a stop to this now then there is hope for you and your mom to have a great relationship in the future and a chance for you to grow into an emotionally healthy adult. Please do what’s best for everyone and tell someone in authority of the abuse you are living under. It will be hard, but know that it will be for the best in the long run.

My prayers and thoughts are with you and please update us on the outcome in the comments below.

Sincerely,

Ted

Filed Under: Abuse, Ask a Counselor

Comments (3)

admin August 21st, 2010 at 7:05 pm

Posted by Alexa

I know that you have already answered a question similar to this but please at least give me the time of day in this one. My mom hits me too, in fact this morning her death threats were so severe that I left for work at 6am, oh I’m 16 so me going to work early is not my thing.
She hits me and leaves bruises she threatens and ignores me. But sometimes she can be really great, she gives me everything I want and can be really nice. Sometimes though she sits in my room and cries her eyes out and begs for forgiveness. She says that God is punishing her with a child like me, and i hear her pray for better kids. I used to cut but I’m working on nipping that in the butt.
I went to my dad (zero relationship there) and he yelled at me for lying. I told people I thought I could trust to help me, I no longer talk to those people (whole other issue) I talked to school counselor and to teacher, nobody has helped me.
I can’t focus at work at school or sports, its effecting my life, (now that I can drive though I’m never at home so its not as bad.) I need help and I don’t know what to do. I really hope that you could help me or give me some answers. I also have anxiety disorder, so any tips for dealing with that would be great also.

Thank you for your time,

Alexa

admin August 21st, 2010 at 7:12 pm

Dear Alexa-

I really feel for your situation and again no child deserves to be treated that way, I am so sorry you can’t have a carefree safe childhood.

You have to go to the authorities and since your school won’t help go straight to the police and tell them that you reported it at school but no one would help.

School staff is legally bound to report abuse so I hope they learn their lesson when the police come knocking on their door too.

You must take a stand for yourself and for your future. Also your bravery will be be an inspiration to other kids in your shoes.

Don’t ever tolerate anyone abusing you or taking advantage of you because you are too valuable to be treated that way. I think when you take your power back your anxiety will be taken care of as well.

All the best,

Ted

Ben July 25th, 2011 at 3:09 pm

Slap her, move out, my mum said to me that she wants to grind my head into the nearest wall, she then just slapped me, she does it again I’ll throw her downstairs. But you however should not retAliate, tell your mates and relatives, so they won’t like her, it will haunt her forever

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