My Mom Loves My Brother More

By | August 8, 2010

I am 16 years old and seem to be going through a hard time. I just finished moving a month ago, 8 hours away from my home town. I grew up there, and it became a part of me. Now I’m in a completely different environment and only have myself to adjust.

However, that’s not the issue. My brother is a little older than me and tends to be my mother’s favorite child. He doesn’t put his best foot forward in life and doesn’t try hard enough. He went to college for one year and barely passed, he doesn’t have a job and all he ever does is sit in his room all day on the computer. He doesn’t make an effort to go outside or go job hunting or do anything that the rest of the family would enjoy doing.

I try my best in life. I’m going to get a job shortly. I help my family with chores, I never take advantage of them, I listen to them, respect them, and always make time for them. However, my mom seems to find a better value in my brother. He is going away in two weeks to visit his friends in Washington. I live in Canada and my parents are paying for his flight and everything in between, because he can’t support himself.

At dinner today, I casually asked my mother if I could go visit my friends back home. Right away she got angry with me and told me that I could make new friends. I offered to pay my way there, because I’d only have to take a bus and she knows I’m much more responsible than my brother. However, she doesn’t budge. She yelled at me and I find that unfair. How does my brother get to go to Washington, when all I want to do is take a bus trip to see my friends for a few days? I really don’t see the harm, especially since they won’t spend any money. It’s just making me so mad.

She always does this and never lets me do anything. My father is a bit more understanding, sees where I’m going at, and I go to him for advice, but unfortunately my mother wears the pants in the relationship and he can’t make any decisions on his own. I want to go visit my friends and I think I do enough for the family that I deserve to have that freedom. I tried talking to my mom about it, but that just made her even more angry and now I have the need to just run away.

She’s not treating me equally to my brother, and I’m not blaming him, but it’s not fair how he gets to go to all these places, and when I ask for a little favor, it tends to be the worst idea in the universe. I really don’t understand it at all. I considered going to counseling in real life, but I would have no way of getting help without my mother finding out.

It’s all just too hard. I’m at the point now where I’m going to do exactly as my brother does. Sit in my room and mope around and expect things to come to me. I do everything I can to help my family. I keep my grades up and I help around the house. But no matter what I do, it always comes in second to my brother.

-Myonlyhope

Dear Myonlyhope,

Thanks for sharing your story with me and I remember how frustrating it can be to be a teenager. It sounds like there is a bit of contention in your relationship with your mother and unfortunately this is somewhat common between mothers and daughters.

Based on what you have written it does appear as though your brother does get some special treatment and it seems your mom is enabling his lazy, unproductive behavior. To be honest there is not much you can do about it. What you do have control over is your own success. You only get one shot at life and you have to be the best that you can be.

You seem like a great young lady with a lot of good things to offer the world and I’m sure you’ll be very successful in your future. I would advise you to focus on your life and your future and strive to have the best life possible. Let your brother to his loser existence. When your brother is 30 and still living at home your mom with probably see the error of her ways, but by then you will be out of there and living a great life.

Since you are a minor and your brother is an adult it’s hard to comment on the fact that you aren’t treated equal in regards to travel. I think this probably has more to do with your age than it does anything else. It’s a scary world out there and unfortunately there are a lot of weirdos looking for nice young girls to prey on so if your mother is being protective then she does have reason.

Again, just continue to be the great person you are and eventually life will reward you with success and your brother will be jealous of the great life you have made for yourself.

All the best,

Ted

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5 thoughts on “My Mom Loves My Brother More

  1. Christian Counseling

    Thanx for sharing this with us, its very terriable situation when u find that parents dont justfy with their affection, love and care. and dont give equal attention to all children, it make a child feels inferiorty of complex. i am really touched with ur feelings, and have a suggestion for u to consult with ur mom openly about all ur feelings, after all she is ur mother not a stranger. Good Luck!

  2. vickey navarro

    I am sorry to hear that, is very hard to me to process this bcuz i see my self as your mother, i do have a 16 old daughter who is right now at a mental clinic, she tried to kill her selfbecause of the same issue. i did talked to her and explained her that i never toght that i was doing that damge to her that i was sorry and to please forgive me if i wasnt there for her when she needed me, & i really try hard to make up with her but it was to late she explode and now she is at the hospital.my son got all of my attention not because i wanted to, it was because he is more fragile mentally or that is what i tough, but at the end my daughter was the one that really needed me, she never asked for nothing or make me get upset for anything, very independent. so i tought that she didnt needed me like that so i was focus more on my son! im so depress i love my daughter dont know what to do , just please understand your mom one day you are going to be a mom & probably u understand better

  3. Rachel Lee

    I’m 11 and I have that problem. You know I felt upset when my mother said that I’m a liar, cheater and I have a black heart. But I dun think so. I’m a girl which kind, caring and loving. Only my father and grandmother understands me the most.

  4. Mymotherhatesme

    Im 12 my mother beats me up and spits on me chokes me cusses me and makes me do all of the chores. I have 1 other older brother which he is a horrible student in highschool and she never makes him do anything its just not fair. One time my brother threw a pencil at me so i threw it away from his reach then he hit he in the chest. I got up and hit him in the head twice and made him cry. Then he told me I was crying made me mad and defenseless so i hit him one more time in the head and i broke my ring finger. She screamed at me for hitting him so hard and told me to leave the house. I did then i came back and she said go away i hate u. She made me live with my dad and gave me no presents for christmas or any other holidays. so I lived with my dad. IM STILL LIVING THERE

  5. Penelopa

    I am a little older – 34 with a great family of my own and my brother is 36 (still single)and I will tell you that no metter how much time passes it still hurts that my mom always favored my brother. She admitted it a couple of times. I was in a difficult situation many times in my life and she would just be relaxed about it and I would have to always find a way out myself, but whenever my brother loses his job (he is smart but lazy), or has any problems she is crying for him with tears – worrying that he may go crazy (He always was very ambitious). Even when we were kids I would do all the chores, he would just lay and read and my mom always gave up and did it herself or asked me to do the chores for him. Result is he is still lazy, self absorbed person. Going back in my memories as a kid I remember my mom saying that she was thinking about leaving my dad at some point when we were very little but it was hard to do with 2 small kids. Then later she said that I was unplaned and just happend. She would say how happy she was to have a girl but I still wonder if she blamed me for her life turning out the way it did without even realizing… Or she just cares more about my brother because he was always the sick one when we were kids and it stayed that way for her? Anyway, I try to live my own life now but it still hurts.

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