I am 16 years old and seem to be going through a hard time. I just finished moving a month ago, 8 hours away from my home town. I grew up there, and it became a part of me. Now I’m in a completely different environment and only have myself to adjust.
However, that’s not the issue. My brother is a little older than me and tends to be my mother’s favorite child. He doesn’t put his best foot forward in life and doesn’t try hard enough. He went to college for one year and barely passed, he doesn’t have a job and all he ever does is sit in his room all day on the computer. He doesn’t make an effort to go outside or go job hunting or do anything that the rest of the family would enjoy doing.
I try my best in life. I’m going to get a job shortly. I help my family with chores, I never take advantage of them, I listen to them, respect them, and always make time for them. However, my mom seems to find a better value in my brother. He is going away in two weeks to visit his friends in Washington. I live in Canada and my parents are paying for his flight and everything in between, because he can’t support himself.
At dinner today, I casually asked my mother if I could go visit my friends back home. Right away she got angry with me and told me that I could make new friends. I offered to pay my way there, because I’d only have to take a bus and she knows I’m much more responsible than my brother. However, she doesn’t budge. She yelled at me and I find that unfair. How does my brother get to go to Washington, when all I want to do is take a bus trip to see my friends for a few days? I really don’t see the harm, especially since they won’t spend any money. It’s just making me so mad.
She always does this and never lets me do anything. My father is a bit more understanding, sees where I’m going at, and I go to him for advice, but unfortunately my mother wears the pants in the relationship and he can’t make any decisions on his own. I want to go visit my friends and I think I do enough for the family that I deserve to have that freedom. I tried talking to my mom about it, but that just made her even more angry and now I have the need to just run away.
She’s not treating me equally to my brother, and I’m not blaming him, but it’s not fair how he gets to go to all these places, and when I ask for a little favor, it tends to be the worst idea in the universe. I really don’t understand it at all. I considered going to counseling in real life, but I would have no way of getting help without my mother finding out.
It’s all just too hard. I’m at the point now where I’m going to do exactly as my brother does. Sit in my room and mope around and expect things to come to me. I do everything I can to help my family. I keep my grades up and I help around the house. But no matter what I do, it always comes in second to my brother.
Thanks for sharing your story with me and I remember how frustrating it can be to be a teenager. It sounds like there is a bit of contention in your relationship with your mother and unfortunately this is somewhat common between mothers and daughters.
Based on what you have written it does appear as though your brother does get some special treatment and it seems your mom is enabling his lazy, unproductive behavior. To be honest there is not much you can do about it. What you do have control over is your own success. You only get one shot at life and you have to be the best that you can be.
You seem like a great young lady with a lot of good things to offer the world and I’m sure you’ll be very successful in your future. I would advise you to focus on your life and your future and strive to have the best life possible. Let your brother to his loser existence. When your brother is 30 and still living at home your mom with probably see the error of her ways, but by then you will be out of there and living a great life.
Since you are a minor and your brother is an adult it’s hard to comment on the fact that you aren’t treated equal in regards to travel. I think this probably has more to do with your age than it does anything else. It’s a scary world out there and unfortunately there are a lot of weirdos looking for nice young girls to prey on so if your mother is being protective then she does have reason.
Again, just continue to be the great person you are and eventually life will reward you with success and your brother will be jealous of the great life you have made for yourself.
All the best,