My Wife Fell in Love With Someone Else

I’m in a really difficult situation…I’m a United States Marine in a marriage of 4 1/2 years with a 3 year old son.

A few months ago, while in training (and away from my wife and son), my wife had an affair with a family friend…and ended up falling in love with this man.

I found out about the 3 month long affair after we were re-united, and it devastated me…however, I wanted to provide the best life for my son, whom I love with all of my heart, and decided to try to work through things with my wife, mostly for my son’s sake.

My wife, to the best of my knowledge, has cut off all communication with this man, and has apologized for the affair and the hurt she caused, but now that we are once again living together at a normal military installation, I am reminded daily by her presence of the affair, and it’s putting great strain on our relationship…

Due to the nature of my job, I’m deployed about 66% of the time, and I can’t help but wonder what will happen in the future when I’m overseas…

Am I doing my son a dis-service by trying to “stick it out” but having a fairly dis-functional relationship with his mother? I grew up in a very dis-functional home and often wished that my parents would get divorced…

Please give me some advice in this matter.

Thank you,

Noel

Dear Noel,

Thanks for your question and it sounds like you’ve been really struggling with this situation. I often hear of and have seen couples that “stay together for the kids”. I think the only way that this is actually beneficial is that if both adults are committed to working to regain a healthy intimate relationship that can be modeled for the children.

In the case of infidelity this can be very difficult because of the broken trust and the fact that once someone cheats statistics say that they are more likely to do it again. You really have to do some soul searching and determine if you really will be able to get past this and trust your wife again. I believe that you are free to end the marriage and that if you can’t regain a positive intimate relationship then your kid is better off not seeing you together.

The fact that you are deployed for months at a time, it really does make this situation even more difficult but I think you’ll make the right decision that is best for everyone in the long run. Just know that whatever you decide there is grace for you, your wife and your son. Just continue to act in love and show your son that you love him more than anything.

Kindest regards,

Ted

Filed Under: Adultery, Ask a Counselor

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