My Wife Fooled Around With Our Neighbor

One night we had friends over that live across the street from us. We had a lot of drinks that night and were probably really drunk. We all were dancing and having a good time. Then the next day came, I woke up feeling as something was wrong. Well a week went by and things still didn’t feel right, so I decided to look at her phone. I found no text messages from our neighbor/ friend who was with us that night. I felt this was strange since she told me she texted him during the week, and I found other texts that were older then that from other people on her phone. So I asked her what was up and told her I wanted the truth, to make it short she told me.

She said she ended up kissing and fooling around/other stuff with him that night we all got drunk. Well now this changed everything, but I am not mad at that, I can deal with the physical stuff, but the talking and discussing it with this guy behind my back not sharing this with me is killing me. She told me she did not remember a thing and he told her about it, I think she should of came right to me and talked about this, but hiding it has made this worse. And to make things worse I believe she is still talking/ texting with him about that night. I love her and she says she loves me, what should I do, I am lost. I told her I forgive her this time but that’s it, but it seems they are still talking!

Dear Brian,

Thanks for sharing your situation with me. That must be really tough for you as obviously this situation has created trust issues. First, this is why I don’t think excessive drinking is ever a good idea as it has a tendency to create drama and situations we don’t need.

Secondly, it’s great that you forgive her, but you will now have rebuild the trust. Sit down with your wife and ask her to not have contact with this guy. It might even involve her changing her number so this guy can’t contact her. I also think talking with this guy might be a good idea as long as you can control your temper. Tell him that you can forgive him, but ask him to respect your marriage by not texting your wife anymore.

It sounds like your wife loves you and has no intentions of leaving you for this guy, but I think some boundaries need to be put back into place so that trust can be restored. It will take some time but I think eventually you two will get there. Also this could be a good time to explore some other aspects of your relationship, especially why your wife felt the need to look elsewhere for physical contact, whether she was drunk or not. She was fulfilling some type of need be it conscience or not. This situation can actually make your marriage stronger if you approach it with honesty and love.

All the best,

Ted