Should an Adult Obey Their Parents?

By | February 8, 2012

adult-obey-parentsI am a 30 year old Christian male engaged to a 22 year old female.

The current situation is that my fiancé’s parents are opposing to the idea of my fiancé and I attending and serving God in the same church. Since I met her, she has gone to a different church with her parents but now that we’ve moved unto the engagement stage we feel it will be a good idea to start serving God together.

Her parents completely disagree with the idea because they claim that we still are not married and she still lives under their roof and hence must submit to them. We on the other hand disagree with them because she is already an adult and should not be treated like a child. We really do not want to make her parents feel like she is being rebellious, but we strongly feel the right thing to do is to serve God together and begin preparing for marriage.

We decided to look for advice from a neutral source as we believe asking for advice from our respective churches will be biased. Do you think you can give advice on the matter?

Thanks in advance and God bless!


Dear Ed,

I believe in respecting parents, but respecting doesn’t mean giving up your personal freedom to make your own decisions with your own life as an adult.

Her parents are trying to manipulate her and your relationship. I’m not sure what their motivation is, but it’s not coming out of a pure heart of love for their daughter.

There comes a point in many of our lives where we have to stand up to our parents and assert our own rights to make our own choices. This is her time. People are not property and this includes children. Parents are entrusted to raise the child, but the child is never “owned” by a parent.

I suggest that you both find a church that’s independent of the churches you both currently attend. Perhaps this will make things easier for her parents to cope with.

In any event, you and your future wife have to live your own lives and make decisions that are the best for your future. Parents can give their opinion on matters, but adult children should have the freedom to take it or leave it.

All the best,


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