I’ve have never been in this kind of situation before and I feel like dying. My family is everything to me, I have always been very close to them and they have always supported me with everything. However, they’re very old school and the fact that they’re from a different country from here makes it harder for them to see life differently or at least how i see it.
6 months ago I started talking to this guy, we were both in high school back then. I am now a freshman in college, I have good grades and I work. My boyfriend is mixed half white half black and that is exactly the reason my parents don’t approve of him. I did a good job hiding my relationship for about 5 months until my mom found out about him.
They both made me promise not to ever see or talk to him again and even made me sign a paper saying so. The only reason they don’t like him is because of his color and our different backgrounds. They do not have any other reasons because they have not even given me a chance to tell them about him. I wrote my mom a letter trying to tell him some more about him but she didn’t pay much attention to it. They say they’re ashamed of me and who I have chosen to be with.
Even though I told my parents I would stop talking to him I didn’t stop. I have never felt like this before, I’ve had other guys who have asked me out but I’ve never gave them a chance mostly because I’ve been afraid of my parents, but with this guy i just couldn’t stay away from. He does have a reputation of going around too much and partying but the months I have been with him he has been amazing. He is actually the jealous type and he doesn’t really like it much if im talking to some random guy, which I don’t. Im not the type of girl who goes around and talks to other guys when Im in a relationship. He has been hurt before and his ex girlfriend before me cheated on him and he has been hurt but i would never hurt him like that.
I still kept talking to him even after I said I wouldn’t and just yesterday my dad saw us together and he was driving my car picking me up from work. When I got home my dad was furious and he said that I have to choose between him or my family. My dad said he’ll move with my mom and brother therefore I would end up being alone. No car no nothing just $1000 I have in the bank. My boyfriend said he would help me as much as possible if I choose to be with him. He said I can move in with him and transfer to his school. However he also said that if I have to let him go to be with and keep my family it will hurt but he understands which broke my heart.
I love my family to death, we’ve always been so close and I can’t imagine anyone better as my mom or dad but I love my boyfriend too. He makes me feel so amazing and he’s always so great. He had me meet his family the first time I went out with him and he really is serious about our relationship. He even has plans for the future even though I understand its early. I don’t know what to do anymore. I’m torn apart because I love both so much and I don’t know what to do. Please help, I would appreciate any kind of advice!
Thanks for sharing your situation with me. Yes that is a tough choice, but there are a few issues here to consider.
If this guy is of good character and your parents are prejudice of him because he is black, then I think you need to take a stand against this form of hate and discrimination that exists in society. Your family needs to be confronted with their racism and if you back down, they may never resolve this flaw within themselves.
We have to stand against hatred and bigotry if we ever want to see this world change to see all people treated with the dignity and respect they deserve. I know this is your family we’re talking about, but it doesn’t justify their behavior. They are trying to control you and you are an adult, free to make your own choices with your life.
I think that they will back down once they realize you love this guy and are not going to be manipulated by them. I’m sure they love you and don’t want to lose you so in time they’ll probably come around. Just be the bigger person and keep the doors of communication open even during the rough patch.
So the lessons to learn here are to always stand up for what you believe in and people who are being mistreated as well as never let anyone manipulate or control you. I know you’ll do the right thing and your family will learn how to be better people through your example.
All the best!