I have recently returned home after a rough year overseas in Ireland where I lived with my boyfriend.

I got very sick traveling and was in hospital and then pretty much in bed for 4 months straight. My boyfriend Wasn’t very supportive and believed my attitude was bad, and he put me down a lot to his parents. As I started to recover I fell pregnant to him and he would get so angry, yell, and call me every name because of not much at all.

One day I caught him chatting with another girl which he was supposed to meet up with and I was so upset. He just got really angry at me. I then had a miscarriage and his temper got worse everything was my fault. He was filled with bitterness for going overseas and leaving his friends for me, even though we were in Ireland where he is from.

He still was so angry at me and every time we had a disagreement his rage would take over and I believe he was abusive, but he always would say that I cause that reaction. Now that I’m back home in Australia, he is coming over, but not for me. However, we are still talking. I really don’t know what to do as I do miss his good side, but I don’t know if he can change even though he says that he can.

I fear going through that again, but am finding it hard to move on, I’m torn with so many emotions as sometimes I hate him for the things he did and said to me and other times I miss the good things. I just don’t know what to do, he did make me feel really worthless at times. I would appreciate your help.

-Nikki

Dear Nikki

Thanks for your question and I understand how confusing matters of the heart can be. It sounds like you have had a rough year and what was meant to be a fun season of travel turned into a real trial.

I think it boils down to one thing concerning your relationship with your boyfriend. Do you respect yourself enough to do whatever it takes to ensure you are in a relationship with someone who, loves, supports, respects and cherishes you.

What your ex-partner showed you wasn’t love, it was abuse and although he’s says he’s changed, without some deep soul work on his part with a professional, he will revert back to his abusing self once you get back together and the slightest amount of stress arises.

If your ex-boyfriend truly loved you the way you deserve to be loved, he would have held you, supported you and comforted you when you miscarried. Instead he blamed you for it and made you feel worthless, during what is always an extremely difficult and emotional time for a woman. He truly kicked you when you were down.

I advise you to move on with your life and find a guy that will treat you right, It’s probably best if you cut this guy out of your life and have no contact in order to make the transition easier. Also take time and consider what within you allowed yourself to be treated the way this guy treated you for so long. Perhaps it was fear of being alone, or a self esteem issue but it would be worth doing some reflection so that you wont make the same mistake again.

I wish you all the best and feel free to ask anything additional about your situation in the comments below.

Sincerely,

Ted