Dear Kim,

I think you are wise to be concerned. First, I would say that although your oldest is only 3 years younger, there is a big difference between a 15 year old (high school age) and a 12 year old (middle school age) in regards to where they are at developmentally and hopefully socially.

At 15 this girl is obviously being exposed to things that you would not want your children to be exposed too at their age. I’m sure that’s why your kids like her… she is older and knows things they do not. Since she’s family you do have to be careful concerning how you go about this and also, I think this is a chance for you to rub off on her a little. You may be the only example of Christ this girl sees on a regular basis.

I think you should let your kids hang out with her in a very controlled environment. For instance, invite her to your house for dinner and a movie, invite her along on family outings, invite her to come shopping… etc. Just make sure that when she’s visiting that you’re involved as well for two reasons. First, so you can monitor what’s being talked about between she and your kids and secondly, so you can be involved in her life and become her friend.

I’m sure she really needs a good influence like you in her life and she may come to look to her aunt for guidance and direction. If you have her over enough and are proactive in doing so, perhaps she won’t feel the need to invite your kids to her house, which I would advise against. Overall, I think this can be handled in a way that will be a win win.

All the best,

Ted