Should I Know My Partner’s Past Sex Life?
I am dating a wonderful woman, who enjoys writing as a hobby. I love to read her work and recently, she shared a collection of short stories of her thoughts on sex and her sexual past. They aren’t erotic, but will detail her desires for men and what she has done with them.
After a few chapters I felt jealous and angry, and stopped reading. She felt I was being silly, as these men are in her past and I am in her present and future. We have great communication about everything else, even talking about her past boyfriends, but the intimate details of her and the other men make me angry. Am I being silly, or is it appropriate for me to ask not to hear about details of her sexual past?
-Ken
Dear Ken,
I think most of the time it’s better not to know. Unless there is a chance of a person transmitting an STI to their partner, it’s really not constructive to the relationship.
It probably wasn’t too wise of your girlfriend to ask you to read her stories about her past sexual experiences. I don’t know anyone that isn’t at least slightly bothered by hearing the sexual escapades of his/her partner’s past encounters.
Couples should communicate about sex, what they like, what they don’t etc., but to share details of past lovers doesn’t really build a stronger relationship. It only potentially adds fear of inadequacy and jealousy. Perhaps you could come to an agreement with each other to not bring up each other’s pasts. Instead, focus on the present and your future together.
Kind regards,
Ted
Filed Under: Ask a Counselor, Dating, Sexual Abuse
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