Stressed Out By My Mother's Control and Abuse

Stressed Out By My Mother’s Control and Abuse

Hi there, I’m 16 years old and I’m wondering if you could help me cope with anxiety and stress..I’m the type of girl that likes to get things done in the best manner possible. I plan to work in the ICU as E.R doctor, it’s one of the few goals in my life and I have a lot of reason behind it.

I’m trying to make it in life because so far I’ve only been pushed down..My parents are separated and have been since I was 1 and I feel it is better that way. My mom is one of the most patient people on earth and I’ve learned that from her and my brother. My mom deals with bi-polar disorder and well my brother who is 20 years old is severely handicap with Fragile-X. We’ve lived in the projects all my life and my dad has his own problems so I’ve seen him a couples times in my lifetime.

I’ve always had a tolerance for the constant screaming and abnormal behaviors, but lately I can’t take anymore. How do I make it in life when I have my mother telling me I have to take care of my brother for the rest of my life and that I’m not allowed to go to college elsewhere then where ever he is. As I deal with high school everyone wonders why I make the choices I do. I’m not allowed to take AP classes because I have to clean the house everyday after school from top to bottom and when I did take AP classes I had to drop them because the homework took up too much time and my mom didn’t like it

Along with that I was in line for a Track scholarship but I had to quit to stay at home. I’m the president of 2 clubs but might have to quit those also because they require that I stay after school. I’m just tired of how my mom hurts me, I’m really tired of it.. I know she doesn’t mean it, but I’ve never had anyone here for me. Nobody understand what I go through. When I get straight A’s and I’m invited to a banquet celebrating the greatness of the straight A’s, I’m not allowed to go because it’s regarded as “stupid”..

It just hurts so badly to literally have no one.. Every chance I’ve ever had has been shot down and I don’t know what to do.. I know when I’m 18 I can go to whichever University I’d like ,but how am I going to get to the University of my dreams if I can’t do anything I want to during my high school years? It’s just too much to handle everyday going to school and all my friends are very successful in the way that I could be too and I don’t know what to do.

I’m constantly put in the gutter about how I can’t do anything right , “I’m worthless”..”I don’t love my family because I want to go to an out of state university”. If there is any guidance here would you please, please offer any, the stress had made me break down. I have panic attacks and I randomly cry myself to sleep I don’t know how to cope anymore.

-Jacklynn

Dear Jacklynn,

Thanks for sharing your situation with me and sorry for the delay in responding as I’ve had many questions come in lately.

Your situation really bothers me for several reasons. First, your mom is taking her frustrations out on you by verbally abusing you and cutting you down and secondly, it is not a child’s responsibility to be the care giver for another sibling. Your mother is using you, manipulating you with guilt, and trying to ruin any chance you have at a bright future.

There is just so much wrong with this as it sounds like you are an extraordinary young lady with so much talent, that’s being wasted because your mom is giving you unfair responsibilities at home. Quite frankly, you are not responsible for your brother’s well being, she is. You do not have to look after him the rest of your life, she does. This isn’t your problem.

You are 16 and legally you can take steps to rectify this situation. I think you should call someone at social services or talk to someone at legal aid to determine exactly what your rights are according to your State. If you don’t take a stand against this behavior, your mom will control the rest of your life and your dreams probably won’t come true. Don’t feel guilty for not wanting to take care of your brother because it really isn’t your responsibility and it never was.

Unfortunately, this will get messy as you try to break away so be prepared. Do you have a close friend that you could stay with or perhaps other relatives? I think in the long run this will be the best course of action as your mother has no right to steal your childhood and this is perhaps the worst type of abuse a parent can inflict on a child because it is essentially stealing from a person’s soul. Childhood is a special time to discover, live, and be free to find out who you are.

The key to dealing with your stress and anxiety will be to empower yourself to take control of your own life and begin living in a way that will allow you to live according to your potential. I wish you all the best and encourage you to be strong. Please give me an update in the comments below in the near future.

Sincerely,

Ted

Filed Under: Abuse, Ask a Counselor, Stress

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